sentimented diaries

2007-04-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

went t0 the zoo with Shihan Sunny and Ah hao which join us later in the noon.
the trip was fun. ll post the pictures up once i edit and load them in computer.
went to the town today.muhahahz..
Brought a Orange Sport bra. a Mizuno running Top and a Top..muhahahz..

saw this at taKa..the cookies sEEm Nice.!!

sushi!!!

2007-04-01T01:12:00.000+08:00

**All these pics r grab from ShiHan Blog..d0nt mind ah..
you see this gal beside me??
"l0ook carefully!!!"
i tell you she is damn sporty and pretty!
she got pretty smile tat attracts pple.
she is my Lifesaving Gal frenz..
wahahahz~~
we get along quite well..
Love you gal..

this is our lifesaving team.
celebrating the March babies Birthday.wahahaz its Damn fun..

does we l00ok cool?
Lifesaving Rockzz!!

2007-03-30T23:17:00.000+08:00

i no longer feel that you are part of me.
i no longer love you.
i no longer miss you.
i no longer await for ya absence.
i no longer look forward to you fetching me out.

i no longer feeel anytin.
i am numb..
i dont know how to explain. i am out-of-word.
can you let me go for a moment and we see hw should we proceed.
can you..

i wanna be happy. i wanna do wat i wanna do..
im tired..
can someone guide me through my life..please..
Haiz.....sobx sobx.

2007-03-27T22:59:00.000+08:00

i think i'll just get it done once and for all..
despite of the money ........
haiz....despite of the paim..
sobz...
ingore me...

looking forward to tml training!

2007-03-26T23:31:00.000+08:00

here are some pics took during the chinese new year gathering. seem quite some time.
miss those fun laughter we had together..l0lz..

silly me..

i'm dead tired..spare me..will update soon..
tons of unfinished work..
i cnat wait for wed and fri to come..Training!! Training!!

i simply love lifesaving class..
my bag get heavier each time my lifesaving ends.
my bag is flooded with wets clothes..

when i get home each time, the cycle repeat..
wash my towel...goggles...my bag....my clothes..
wash my towel...goggles...my bag....my clothes..
wash my towel...goggles...my bag....my clothes....
muahahhahahz..

i miss my Boy..
i miss Sunny kor kor..
i miss Shihan..
i miss ah yang..
i miss eveyrone around me...they MADE my LIFE!!!!!

2007-03-12T22:00:00.000+08:00

this is the Lastest me...Forever in shorts n T during wkend shopping..lolz...i'm jus lazy to dress up..

me and Regina..!! wahhahaz

proudly present my PIG Knee..it got so sore up that i cant even walk. i cant run for quite a period of time. im so oooo Upset..haiz..

2007-02-15T22:41:00.000+08:00

quoted from a friend blog i find it quite meaningful..."
.."If I want to succeed, failure should never cross my mind. I can only think about success. If I think about failure, I’ll only give myself excuses to fail. If you think it’s a MUST to succeed, you’ll find means and ways to the ROAD OF SUCCESS. Although you’ll be met with a lot of difficulties, tough times, cold blanket, but when you’re able to overcome them, you'll be successful, and everything will be worthwhile!"

it true..it is all in one's Mind..

2007-01-30T22:41:00.000+08:00

24/01/2007

Attention: Hey people I am back!!
WAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHZ~~~~~

Seldom will you see me online because I am so busy with my stuff.
Muhahaz. More things come up, therefore I be more busy. =>

BM test been postpone again,.to Monday. Repeatedly we waited.
Everyone praying hard that we get a chance to change the examiner which seem impossible. May god bless us all and let us pass successfully. Haiz.
There no other way but to try our very best.

You are just a shit examiner lousy examiner.
Bleah *_***

All people around me have been encouraging me also moving on with me. Telling me to give my best and be sure I can do it. I want to pass to but hoping my hand work along with me. I don’t want to disappoint you guys.
Thanks for encouraging me all along. ‘Xie xie ni men’.
Sunny Boy was even willing to be my victim during test so I can tow faster.
Appreciate you help to let me practice on you.
Everyone is helping me boosting my energy and level of ‘xing xin’.
Don’t know if you guys will read this but I want to say out loud
‘Xie xie ni men’.

I am so lucky to have great friends around isn’t that so?

Oh ya, not forgetting my darling. He stops me from swimming repeatedly, hurt him lots when my shoulder is nearly dropping, the pain killing me and there I am swimming. Despite of my stubbornness, he still stands by me.
Stuboorn and wildness me.
Noone will understand.
The feeling of swimming, the passion one’s have for swimming, the feeling of in water swimming, all these is enough to put the pain away. But of course after which the pain is unbearable, that the consequence that I will have to bear. But hahahz..worth it.

It jus like you never understand the pain our mother gone through when giving birth to us unless you yourself give birth. ( to female). When you experience yourself then you will know how wonderful is you mum. Else you will never understand. By saying you will feel it and when you gone through it, it such a differences.

Why do I say that?
Feeling flow into me.

Charlotte was born on Tuesday. Coach me and 3 other swim mate went to visit pei pei and kc. The joy in them was like un- describable. Sit there and chat with them for 2-3 hours. Hearing them saying their experience in labor and the how pain it was when in labour. We view those photo that K C took through the whole process. Seeing the wife screaming like hell and the pain she going through he cried. It really tough.
Well all these are words from them, we wouldn’t know the pain, but one thing we know for sure is that is really hurts. She couldn’t sit on lie on bed still, she was in pain. The vein on her face pop out and she still have to carry the big stomach around that have yet to so call “dissolve”.
Great mother. All these was all worth it.

I had a chance to carry charlotte. She weigh 2.5kgs soooo small.
Simply love her mouth. Such a cute little baby.
Her eye are so small that it hardly open.
Wahahaz.. I was so excited when she came out to this world.
Her birthday date is the same as mine!! Wahahahz..
Imagine when she is 21 year old I am like 42 year old …..whoo~ by then I am so old.
Where will I be?
What wil I be doing?
Throughout these conversation and experience, I really learnt of things.

Boy say I have change. I have grown up.
My friends told me the things I do is diff, words from me is diff too. I have grow up doing what adult should do.
Is it so? I am not sure myself.

“Friends are just like a mirror to you. They reflect to you.
We will never be able to see it for our self. “

Spend my weekend working.
Tutoring. Training.
My everyday is so packed up, but basically all of the small stuff.

This was somehow my schedule for last wk.

Monday Study theory for BM.
Tuesday home studying for lifesaver training
Wednesday Lifesaver training
Thursday pei mummy to NTUC then wnet out to jog
Friday Lifesaver training
Saturday work till 4pm. Study/ swim then meet up with boy at 8pm till late.
Sunday at ECP cycle run study for theory then slack around shop and go home. Else I be working at downtown
or teaching Regina tution at jurong.

29/1/2007

Its ZZ birthday today.
A year ago we will celebrating at suntec sky garden a Vegetarian restaurant.
Order a cake which the bakery bake wrongly.

Last year we will discuss how are we going to celebrate for him this year.
Things happen. Just a message to greet him Happy Birthday that’s all.

That day when I was bringing sister out shopping, he suddenly question me “ Jie where is ZZ why he aren’t around? Isn’t he going to join us for shopping?”
I was stunned.
Kind of miss shopping with him. Hanging out like we use to be..

30/1/2007 TUESDAY

Haven’t been online for a lot of days nevertheless to say blogging.
Been studying and training.
I am physically and mentally tired.
The moment I am not doing anything I sleep.
I am just extremely tired; I don’t know why.

Went to the doctor on sat. Dressing changed. At home, mummy needs to change for me as well.
Its kind of inconvenience because I can’t move around as I wish. When I turn my head, the whole body turns as well.
Meet up the NP people on Saturday night. They are still as indecisive as ever. Walk here n there not knowing what to eat. Why cant they think plan of what they going to do first?
Haiz.everyhting went wrong.
We promise to stay together even after we graduate.
We promise to stand hand in hand keep in touch, meet up often during weekend.
We agree to go k box go buffet and stuff, but did we?
Maybe when certain things happen it really affect us. Affect everything.

I leave an hour later. I chose to remain silent and walk away slowly.

Some things are just so clear.
Human beings made it so clear to us that we understand it even without any explanations.
Wth I am talking. Nvm. Don’t wants to talk into the right points.

Went shopping on Saturday with Regina. I brought a shirt and a top. Wanted to to buy bra but haiz. just because of my hand I cant try on any clothes.Hahaz~
Totally crazy
It totally terrible. My right hand is like working all the way throughout the whole day.

Took my test last night. Passed the theory but failed the practical. Totally suck up.
I told myself I wouldn’t cry in front of the examiner, I made it.
Tear still rolled down when everything ended. but not as much as the previous time.
Just feel so unfair.
I got to wait for another month before the test commence again.

Saying I am not upset or disappointed its just lying.
Everyone encouraging me. I will train harder making sure I pass it the next time.

------
Stupid asshole in office think that he is so great that he can tell dad everything thinking that dad will come scold me.
Stupid asshole you are just a useless idiot.
Blankness brain. Everyone hates you to the core. Stop acting pathetic coz no one cares no one bothers about you too.
You are just nothing a loser. Eat sleep laze around is all you know. Asshole. Brainless. Idiot. Wtf.
I find all way to get rid of you.

4 more days to doctor.
2 week later MIR scan.
3 week later doctor appointment again.
How much money I have thrown into treatments & etc.
How much time and trips I have made to TTSH.
I am so tired. Can someone help?

Going to meet Big bear tonight. It been so long since I met up with him. Wahahahaz.
Going to get my 21st birthday present, that is already rotting in his room.
Is there any fungus growing on it? =>
WAHAHAHZ.

~~
I am just a sentimental and emotional person.
I mustn’t let emotional take over me. Mustn’t let it control me.
I be myself; noone can over take me.
I fall I stand and move on.
~~Love

2007-01-21T00:46:00.000+08:00

my shoulder got numb....
the whole hand sore..
i cant move my left body...
i am soo in pain...aching and killing me..

tml i still have class at ECP.
i have yet to study..
haiz....

in dEEP Pain.......

2007-01-21T00:40:00.000+08:00

these are all the letters i receive each day...all the cheque.invoice,etc....

without seeing them each day i feel uneasy,,
it also mean i hv to call up and 'chase' the other party..

they will then end up in the rubbish bin and the big rubbish bag...also the bag i have to empty each day...=[

2007-01-14T22:58:00.000+08:00

MY hand is KILLING ME!!!! argh!!!

2007-01-11T22:31:00.000+08:00

4 January 2007

late Greeting to everyone.
“Happy New Year.”
Didn’t went countdown with my ploy-mate.
Because ……. Nvm.
Just before I got so excited for my countdown he msg me.
Asshole spoilt my mood.
Why msg me, that isn’t my problem why don’t ask your girlfriend instead.
What a laughing stock.. ask your girlfriend instead of me. I think you got the wrong person.

How I wish I can change my number and no one can find me.
The distance between we polymate are getting apart. Drifting far apart.
Maybe that a good thing because we hurt one another too much.
Our friendship is just like a bus. We are the passenger that aboard one another bus and it time to alight, we will never aboard again. never meet the same bus again. think it this way so wouldn’t be so upset or disappointed. Isn’t it much better?

“如果你们要我祝福你们, 我判不到..
你们也不需要…”

美好的时光以不再… stop dreaming, wake up! all the good memories are all gone.
They are just short term.

Did badly for lifesaver last night. My shoulder was totally numb, it felt as if I had no arms. I have to push myself more. The test is just a few days more. Buck up!
I can do it .. I will make sure I pass.

Down with flu again.

>> I miss my frenz..
Big Bear Ted where you..busy working or?
Zhiyou why no msg from you? Where have you gone to.
Charmine are you back in singapore or aust?
Delwin free to lend me ya ear?
Regina wanna go shopping?
Marvin when we going clubbing again?
Jonathan you engaging right? Congrat.contact me.

>> Anyone want to go clubbing and get drunk?
or
>> Anyone want to go do sports and sweat everything out? We go running, then cycling, then swimming, and then blading, then canoeing, then rock climbing. All in a day. Who is interested to join me for these crazy sports for a day?
Anyone want to join me? Come’on we feel great that.

Anyone interested in this Saturday 6 January 2007, Vegetarian buffet, at the Quality Hotel? Please message me 91259xxx Yuehui or tag! Thanks.
6 January 2007

Buffet cancel due to the poor response and the full reservation they have.
Boy is sick too I guess we have to postpone it.

What coach said last night made me worry.
Haiz. how am I going for the test. I know I am going to fail but still going for the test. Making myself upset. Haiz. my swimming buddy is injured. Badly injured. What am I suppose to do?
Haiz. losing confidence in myself.

My performance last night was so bad that I tear at the pool. Haiz stupid me.

My shoulder is giving up on me. It seems like its really dropping off. There is this needle poking on my shoulder. It’s like I cant even rotate or move it. this feel really sucks.
Haiz. everyone is so confidence I am the only one feeling so low.
How I wish I can tell my coach that if he think I cant make it then don’t let me go but then I just don’t know how to say because I just want to give it a try. If I fail, maybe I retake or I just give up?
I am not sure. Who will know my feeling my stand?

I am bored.

Boy work load getting heavier. All he does is work work work.
His company is more strict more rules, so have to work harder.
He has no time for me. Weekend I am so free so bored.
Anyone ask me out??

11 January 2007

I haven’t been online for alotssss of day.
I was busy with swimming studying and work.
When I lie on my bed, within second I fall asleep.
I haven’t been chatting with my friends, blogging, posting pictures, etc.
Finally found the time to online tonight.

Been crying since yesterday in front of my swim mate my swim team.
The feeling was never been ever to be feel by anyone.
The feeling was being the first and being shoot wasn’t good at it.
I just couldn’t control my tear.
I am ashamed of myself. Everyone came and comfort me. Thanks but it wasnt good at all.
I am so sorry to my coaches and swim mate. So sorry.
I am emotional, very emotional.
Tears rolled down every easily.
I try to fight back but end up I still lose the match.

The test been postpone to 2 week later.
I doubt I be able to make it. I wouldn’t have to wait till next year in order to take the test. By then where will my swim mate be? Lifeguard? Instructor? I am just so ashamed of myself.

My plan to go for instructor course be burst. I wouldt have to wait…wait….
Maybe I should find some other course to attend.

2 week later and we should see.
I am upset very upset.

“Wun fa shou si de xin qing.”

2007-01-02T17:59:00.000+08:00

Pictures shall do the talking...
*im jus lazy..

Accompany Boy to the Bloodbank @HSA.on the 29th dec.first time going there. spacious place. there lotsa of pple donating. too bad i have medication to take and low blood then i donate. Haiz..not forgetting i have blood probid,lolz.i guess when the needle is being poked into me i jus Faintz..

the friendly blood-drop at the entrance..
silly me taking pic ...
SteamBoat by the Beach..
the gift that bloddbank gave Boy...ended up i brought it Home...

2007-01-02T17:38:00.000+08:00

losing the urge to blog

now that work has piled up, i no longer find free time to blog.
health havent been that well..esp my gastic coming up recently causing me loss of appitite plus the pain on my shoudler which is killing me.
spending less time on my comp at home because by the time i am home i am dead tired.

"here are some of the blog which i can type but yet to blog..."

26 December 2006
…Rainy Christmas…

The long weekend is finally over.
On Christmas Eve de eve, there was religion class, suppose to end at 10 and head for chalet at ECP.. but thanks to the BITCH. Who spoilt our mood.
We headed to Town instead.
It was so crowded that we could hardly walk at all. The festival smell was all over.
The joy and laughter was all around us.
Choir singing, the lighting was so nice.
We walked hand in hand from PS to taka to Far East. From the head of orchard to the end.
Slowly enjoying our self, enjoy the show on the street, enjoying the sighting of lightening.
Looking at the pretty girl around us. Ha-ha~= (**photos be uploaded. )

Brought a T-shirt from S & K for my dear boy boy.
Brought a jean from Gionano.
What else did I brought? N0thing else I guess because I was far too broke.
Wanted to buy a scarf which I long long wanted to buy but darling gave me that kind of look which stop me from buying. He wanted me to control my spending.
Left brain says : “ its for your own good.”
Right brain says: “I wanna buy I feel so upset..”
(** all rubbish)
Ended up walking away sadly.

By the time we walk from far east to Centrepoint it was already 12 plus. After a long await there don’t seem to be any bus therefore we walk toward bugis where we park our car. My leg was bleeding due to the formal shoes I wear. It hurts like hell. Haiz.
When I got home it was like 1 plus already.
Thanks dalring for accompany me out.

On Christmas Eve, we went out for a movie and headed toward his home to get paper work done. after which he went Malaysia for dinner. I couldn’t tag along just because dad don’t agree to it. haiz. rot in front of the tv for like 6 hours and happily receive a msg from him that he is out in singapore.
6 hours of tv and another 5 hours in front of computer talking to him, I think my eye will rot soon.
Slept at round 3am I think, ending a phone chat with him.

That was the last conversation I had using my Panasonic HP. After that night, it went sick. I couldn’t hear anyone voice through my phone. The only function I could use now is sms. So please don’t call me. Looking for a new hp anyone has any idea which hp has these below function:
>Radio
>Mms
>Camera
>MP3 player
>Infra Ray
>Blue tooth
>can read type Chinese words.
>Capture Video
> GPRS
Erm…what else..
>Java - for games I think for download of game.is it? correct me if I’am wrong.

No LG Panasonic Samsung pleases.
Jus want to get a hp which can lasts.

Kindly let me know thanks

On chirstmas..Woke up early to company boy to east coast park to cycle.
Went orchard to service my hp thinking that the warrently is still there.
Haiz when stun when the girl at the counter told me your warrently only last you for one year, if you were to send in most likely got to pay for like $80 or more mayb $100 plus. I don’t think its worth it.
Rejected her and headed to singtel shop to view at some of the phone. Didn’t like any of them at all. Indeed hp is no longer important to me. Haiz.

Ate a plate of extra hot pasta, ended up in the toilet.
The entrie day my stomach was empty and the moment I finish off the pasta, my stomach was crying for Help. The queue in the toilet was damn bloody long. I squat there without moving nearly fainting. Thanks to a malay gal who allow me to visit the toilet first.
Thanks lotsa. Felt much better.

Sis msg me saying she is at ECP beach, wanna me to go down to company her. So boy drove me there. Steamboat by the beach. The wind blowing toward me nearly froze me to death, luckily the soup save me. Warm me up. Other then the soup nothing goes into my stomach.

I didn’t have any food after that. For the whole night till this morning.

Had a fight with darling.
Will we end this relationship?
Haiz. we having cold war now..
Hope everything be alright soon.
--

2006-12-25T22:54:00.000+08:00

will update again..
today is xmas....ended up unwell. lao sai..
ate chilli with a empty stomach.
nearly faint in the toilet.
had to please other to let me go to the toielt first.. the queue was damn bloddy long..imagine that..
it been 5 hour plus but still im unwell..will update tml..

2006-12-24T23:27:00.000+08:00

An adaptation of the E.B. White 1952 classic, one of the best selling children's story of all time about the friendship between a pig, her owner and a spider. The barnyard fable stars reigning child actor Dakota Fanning as Fern, the farm girl who nurtures runty piglet Wilbur as he blossoms into a prize porker.

Starring : Dakota Fanning and the voices of Julia Roberts, Oprah Winfrey, John Cleese, Steve Buscemi, Cedric The Entertainer, Kathy Bates.

Directed by: Gary Winick

went to watch this movie today. i told myself i shall not miss this movie moreover it been so long since i last watch a movie le.
this movie is worrth watch esp the last part, it kind of touching that my tears rolled down.
the timing we watch was like 1pm..in the afternoon.
in the threate there was like 1...2....3.....2 couple....a guys....total of 10 to 11 people. wahahaz.. so Nice because wouldnt be disturb by inconsiderate pple who keep on talking.

i give it a 9/10 mayb because i read this book for many many times.

after the movie came straight home, shower and lie on the bed for like 6 hours watching tv program. i was far too lazy to move. many calls and sms flood in, sorry to those who ask me out i was far too tired. i jus wanted to slack.

Ohya...my hp is spoilt. to those who call me i cant hear anything at all. mayb you would hear my voice spekaing but i totally hear nothing. i try to get this prob fixed coz i have no spare hp. haiz.

guess what xmas present did i receive this year?
a CRumpler bag!!!
boy ordder the wrong design that i wnated all along. haiz.
kind of upset but nvm ya..
im elared.

STUPID bitch. dont think you are rich you can try to use money cover ya asshole. '
push all the responsiable to other. cover ya own asshole. you r totally brainless....BITCH >>>>>BICTH!!!!!

ll upload pics too..
** i took it on xmas eve's eve..when i was at town..

2006-12-24T01:30:00.000+08:00

a XMAS CArd i made for my lectuer Eve and the photo frame..=]
the photo is from my 21st birthday. hope she like iT! =]

the choco..that my swim mate gave me..wahahaz

the wrappers....so nice right..

2006-12-18T19:49:00.000+08:00

**Waves** I am back!
I have so many stuff to update.

The work at downtown east finally ended.
**ended like a week ago but I was too busy with stuff.
Dead tired...

>> It is quite a relaxing job whereby you just have to usher those audience to their seat at the beginning on each show. After which I can just stand there and watch the show together. When it ends, I will just have to open the exit door. The work is simply so nice, the tiring part is where by one has had to stand thorough out. It can be quite tiring on the leg.
Those people who I am working with are very young, at the age of 16 – 17. Well I did not communicate with them much because they kind of attitude people. I did not even bother to start a word with them at all; they could instruct me do stuff whereas they stand there and do nothing. It totally ridiculous. How I wish I could straggle them off.
Tolerated it for, as two weeks and finally I do not need to see them anymore.
The working hours are like from 3pm to 10pm. Due to the two jobs I am holding, I was very tired out. Lucky me, darling came to fetch me each night. He brought dinner which he cook himself for me, at downtown there was no vegetarian moreover the stuff there are expensive so my stomach would like go hungry for the whole day.
Thanks to my dear boy. Knowing I am tired he quickly drives me back home, knowing I am hungry, he will cook or buy dinner for me without fail.

>> Had a quarrel with boy but it lasts for like 1 day and we got back normal, after all still not that bad, I guess. Well he keeps urging me how important insurance is. He wants to purchase one for me, I know he meant well. I told him let me consider first because my monthly income is already not enough, it might be a problem if I have to pay those insurance fee each month, it more like a burden to me. He keep nagging non-stop. I was damn tulan that I raise my voice at him, telling him to stop it. Nothing could control my temper. I was very hot up. I did not msg him or call him at that point of time, the whole night no call or sms from him either.
Usually each morning he will greet me with a morning sms, but not hat particular morning there was nothing. At this point of time, my thought went wild. Haiz. Did not want to make the first move to do anything. Around noon, he sms! Wahhaha! Of course, I am not that cruel not to reply his sms. Everything went back to normal on that day when we chat on sms. He told me how he felt, sincerely. I was quite surprised seldom will he tell me anything especially when I ask him “do you have anything to tell me.”
There was some stuff that I said upset him lots.
Stupid me.

>> Finding out the truth always hurts.
Yet I continue to ask.
I should not elaborate more. I have always treated her as a sister, a mate whom we share our joy and pain together. In poly, we were the closest, the only two project mate. She care for me when things happen. I surprise her if I can. I always thought small matter didn’t really bother to us. We always give way to each other, no matter what happen we will talk it out and after a short while everything be alright. I always tell her what happen to me. I share with her almost everything. I trust her but this time round she made me distrust her so much.
I am so tulan. So disappointed. So upset. I never know she will do that. She knew that she knew it but why??
I shouldn’t have ask, shouldn’t have bother I wouldn’t be so upset then.
I shouldn’t have wasted so many tear in me.
Why? Why did the truth came to my side?
Sorry I cant give you my blessing.
Although I cant do anything but…
Suck up. I am going to drunk everything this satruday.
Its raining in me.
The thunder, the storm in me…..
It raining non stop.

>> My swim mate is back from Japan, “Bei Hai Dao” so nice to have him back else I have to search for other partner.
He brought me a pack of chocolate, those small cubes. It tastes so nice! Wonderful coco. In the other hand I don’t bear to eat them, their wrapping paper are simply so nice. Look below for the updated Chocolate pics.
**don’t drip ya saliva all over the places. Wahahaha~ thanks Swim Mate. –Hugs-
BM test be on the 1st week of Jan, it confirm. I pray hard that my examiner would be TLC, infect not me alone, the rest are also praying it is not him.
May god bless me and let me pass this test. After which A is going to prepare me for instructor course. I can’t wait to move on!

>> Triathlon next year April!
KC going to book the chalet at biatam, where we will just have to bring out stuff and bike over. I am starting to train each day, alone, because boy-working everyday beside he can’t run due to the pain on his knee. Argh! If only he could have lots money then he could visit a specialist and get treatment fast.
How? How? Can anyone help?

>> had a BBQ session at Ah Yang condominium last Saturday. It so nice to gather each lifeguard, with our coach, seating down enjoying chatting around. Took a few pics as memories ha-ha. Sooooo Nice. We had plenty of food, not forgetting alcohol too. We had Chivas with coke. Underage Overage…all drank. Wahahhaz…
Packed up stuff at around 8am and we headed to “Conner Stone” for a wine session.
I simply LOVE White wine!
It is so nice. Total two bottles of wine and five bottle of beer among us. We took plenty of photos using alwin Hp. Wahahaz, we were enjoying to our fullest. Chatting disturbing each other...wahahahaz. At around 10, we headed to O bar for more drinks. I actually went to meet YC and YJ, dragged the rest along. I stayed to 12 plus and left. Drank three bottles only. The rest stayed till 2am. Left ah yang taking cab home. Was suppose to drive him back home but I want to stay longer so sponsor him taking cab home. Thinking back, I am so mean. I wanted to have more alcohol more dance. Haiz.
**Guilty and bad.**
The night was fun. =]

I am looking forward to this Saturday, ah yang chalet, the whole lifesaver be there. Bound to have fun and laughter together.=]

23th December 2006—our two month together.
24th and 25th December 2006 – guess we be at chalet enjoying. Else I go clubbing.

Like what ah yang said I am drowning myself in sorrow.
Haiz.

Update again. I am going for a run.
Enjoy the pictures.

2006-12-14T22:47:00.000+08:00

the truth hurts..alot of wild thinking running in my mind...
tears kept rolling..
shit..why must you do this to me?
what the point of saying sorry??

wat shit..
my hand breakin off..
my r/s nt gg well...
loaded with work...
im totally shit off...

fcuk off from me..

i cant stop crying...

2006-12-10T11:03:00.000+08:00

here a quick update...last night ah boy came fetching me. he cook soba for me.."my dinner"
so nice of him isnt it?

the noodles with seaweed

the icy Soba.....with seaweed...

erm i hate sharing ah boy with other..haiz...

2006-12-08T23:19:00.000+08:00

i'm now working at downtown east..
"hello Kitty" event..ARGH!!

All the characters in the story are played by Hello Kitty's real world friends, introduced one by one as the story progresses.
Alongside them, live actors sing and dance, playing more characters and often times providing vocal chorus. Weaved into the story are acrobats and circus performers who perform brilliant visual pieces as part of the story line. For example, in the enchanted forest the leaves on the vines come to life with acrobats doing amazing rope routines. A statue in the Kingdom comes to life as two acrobats balance in thrilling poses with each other. All of the story and the visual routines are brought together with an exciting musical score. The characters sing and dance, along with the help of the live singers. Beautiful magical ballads one moment, then funky up-tempo routines the next, and some big musical style numbers that will leave the audience feeling joyous and uplifted.

im died tired..
physically tired..
mentally tireed...
i shall blog more after this wkend..
i hate my current part time job..
you guys suck!!!!
.

2006-12-07T22:44:00.000+08:00

i WANT THIS BAG!!!!!
ARGH!!!

Life’s greatest enemy is oneself.
Life’s greatest failure is arrogant.
Life’s greatest ignorance is dupe.
Life’s greatest sorrow is jealousy.
Life’s greatest erroneous is self-abandon.
Life’s greatest sin is to deceive oneself.
Life’s greatest pitiable disposition is self-abased.
Life’s greatest admiration is choice of advancing.
Life’s greatest insolvent is despair.
Life’s greatest wealth is healthiness.
Life’s greatest liabilities are a debt of human sympathy.
Life’s greatest gift is forgiveness.
Life’s greatest imperfection is melancholy wisdom.
Life’s greatest gratification is alms.

2006-11-27T22:06:00.000+08:00

the 3 gals

2006-11-27T21:14:00.000+08:00

some pics form sis camera.

the lifesaver gals..

the fries we had on friday night
SK and me..
the Decro the gals did..
tats me and sis sec friends

2006-11-24T23:28:00.000+08:00

this is Me....
lastest me...
took it in Boy Car..

2006-11-23T00:12:00.000+08:00

...HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF....

2006-11-21T23:30:00.000+08:00

Summary? ? ? ? ? ?

Finally, the birthday chalet ended.
It wasn’t a “happy 21st birthday celebration” it was more like a “Ugly & Unhappy Birthday 21st celebration”.

Some people was talking behind my back.
Some people was unwell, very sick.
Some people came to make trouble.
Some people came to mess stuff Up.
Some people came to spoilt everything.

My wishes that I wish to be done on the chalet wasn’t done at all.
Things that were suppose to be done during the celebration wasn’t done at all.

Everything just went wrong.
First the cake I order came out the whole design that I wanted. The design was totally off. The moment I saw the cake my tears rolled. I was so upset disappointed. It wasn’t want I wanted and it the bakery has made the wrong design that I actually told them.
The attitude girl “ the owner of the shop” was giving me attitude she was like saying in such a unhappy way “ if you don’t want this cake I give you a refund.” Yes a refund it was easier to say then anything. Where to find a birthday cake at this last minute?
She was clever la because she knew we have to accept the cake else we have no other ways. Her attitude greatly sucks.. Damn… never order from this cake shop it jus sucks like hell.

Secondly, a quarrel occurs in the chalet when the celebration and party was about to start. Worst of all it was between my uncle and my boyfriend. One was trying to make fun of me which I din know and the other was trying to protect me from injuring, falling, from any form of danger. Good thing Boy remain calm but uncle kept screaming at the entrance and inside of chalet. What disappointed me was cousin instead of stopping his dad from carrying on he add in, he add into the quarrel which I tot it was damn disappointing. It was totally an asshole. He knew things went wrong he knew it was my 21st birthday, instead of stropping they went on and on. They didn’t give me any face at all. Everyone else stared at me. Everyone was whisper about what happen. It was the hot topics for the night. Tear rolled. I was terribly upset. The first make up wasn’t successful because of my watery eye and I kept rubbing my nose. It was terribly sucky at that point of time. I wish I could cancel off everything and be like normal days hang out at town.

Thirdly sis sprain her ankle at the last day of the chalet, on the way back home. She was trying to unload all the stuff home then she fall. I wasn’t around at that point of time. I was out with Boy and 2 guys for dinner. Haiz. I wish I was there to help so sister wouldn’t have fall.

Fourthly, the main chef ordered us to purchase lots of eggs saying she want to cook omette and fried oyster. Ended up she just didn’t bother, she just treat it like no body business. Ass hole. Totally a ass hole. Such a aass hole. On Saturday when she was here she gave everyone a damn bloody black face as if she is here to collect money. She needed people to fetch her here and there. She order people like no other business.

Lotsa of things happen. I don’t want to remind myself of the stuff any further. I don’t want to elaborate anymore. I am tired. Suck up. Everything ended it shall end in me too.
The chalet didn’t turn out as plan. The celebration sucks.

Haiz argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone wasn’t happy. My boy was upset, disappointed I know.

I am great he told me how he feels last night after we have got home. He was unhappy so did I although I kept carrying a smile to wherever I went. I just have to. Things didn’t turn out well, people sucks. Okay everything suck.
Everything ended I don’t want to think anymore.

It just a dream everything ended. I got to move on and not focus on these stuff. I have training and work to focus on. My aim to achieve.

I wish everything had never happen before.
Can someone erase everything from my mind?

But still I want to thanks my friends, relative for coming. So nice to see everyone here. Friends who I have not seen for years was here, my good friends, my buddies, my poly friends and everyone. When I was in the centre in front of the cake, I could see all entire place being filled up. So happy to see them .

Some people that I hope to see wasn’t here at all. Haiz.
Even that they are not here they didn’t even msg me to inform (except for a few of them).
Well if you have the heart no matter what you will still come. No matter how far you will still come. Thanks for all the lame excuse, appreciated. Well for some cases of course understandable, like those who have chick pox and are sick.
Well…….still

Thanks for all the gifts.
Thanks. I appreciated all your effort to turn up.

I am now in office’s my eye are so heavy. Its like dropping off. I am now typing with half of eye close. I am dead tired.. how I wish I am working for other people so I cant take leave after chalet to rest. Impossible la. Dreaming.

Tired .because I didn’t sleep for so many days.
No appetite at all I didn’t eat more than 3 spoonful each day.
Unhappy.
Numb shoulder. Shall be numb left body.Unhappy heart..

If I am given a chance I will cancel this chalet.
Can I re-celebrate my birthday on the actual day?

Can someone heal me?

Will post pictures soon I guess.
Spare me, I am tired I need a break.

2006-11-12T22:57:00.000+08:00

2 November 2006

Some things are better not to be known.
Some things are better to be kept as secret.
Some things are best to be keep away from a person.
But..
I choose to know what is it I ask I question people to tell me the truth.
Ending hurting myself. Be so bothered by what it is.

If you are unhappy about me just tell me straight. Don’t talk behind me.
What the problem?
You are the coach you have the right to tell me off because I am the student.
I chose to attend your lesson then you have the right to reprimanded me.
What for be unhappy about me, show unhappy face to me.
Didn’t even bother to talk to me.

I sense there was something wrong. I knew it long ago.
I am not a idiot. I don’t act blur.
I know u dislike me. You unwillingly talk to me.
Come’ on what you want to say, say it IN FRONT of me.
I thought you always tell us not to talk behind people.
What the hell is this?

The laughter we had was so fake….yes SOOOOOOO FAKE>>>

My world is already so depressing and negative why do people keep adding on?
Asshole...~

Tualn.. Very tulan. Damn tulan.

I regret having this chalet I really regret. So many unhappiness.
What ever I do people will talk behind. What the point?
I create the invitation card for their convenience end up guess what people say
“Why so formal”
“Why troubles go make this kind of things you nothing to do ah?”
“it jus a 21st birthday why need invitation not as if you getting married.”

Don’t appreciate, don’t stand in my point of view yet all these shit words ended up on me.

What the hell??

I have tons of things yet to be done.
Shoes not brought yet..
Sm YJ n J present not brought yet.
Appointment not book yet.

Counting down 15 days to chalet….

I am not looking forward to it at all.
Not at all.

~~ Drowning in her own world. ~~

Phantom of opera is here.
My wallet is tight to purchase the tickets.
Heard that the tickets are selling fast.
By the time, I have money I guess it will be sold out.
We shall see how then.
Maybe I will miss it jus like the previous show by kit chan.. what the name ??
What the name?
I cant remember..
No idea..
Nothing cant to my mind..

Erm… I cant recalled.

My life is like this pictures. It so messy.
Sometime it so wonderful filled with many colors.
I am inside
Those white small spaces are so little that I have no air for myself.
Suffocating
Everything is in control.
I am slowly disappearing.

5 November 2006

I have been busy preparing chalet stuff...
Not really busy la because nothing much to be done also.
I am just too lazy. Not excited at all.
I have yet to buy my shoes. Yet to buy stuff to dress up.
Lazy, no motivation at all.
Last weekend I was at town the whole day, practically walking from the starting to end of orchard and then back from end to starting of Orchard. Every single shop I went in to take a look. Went in to take a browse thinking there might be something that can catch my eye but haiz.
End up empty handed.

Brought sis a dress and a toy. She simply love it. hahaz..good.

Thanks to Regina. Thanks gal for accompany me shop the whole day I know it kind of bored because no matter what she recommended me it didn’t suit my taste at all.
No to like I didn’t like it.
I myself was lost too.

Most of the chalet stuff are done seven seven eight eight le. My planners are all doing okay, I guess la because they didn’t want to let me know anything.
Don’t know what are they up to. Sianz.

Boring weekend. This weekend I guess I be busy ba .

I cant swim anymore..
The doctor stop me from swimming.
I cant do sports that uses my shoulder or hand.
Tears kept rolling. I am terribly upset disappointed lost.
Shit feeling!
Can someone bring me to a place where I can scream aloud?

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No one going to stop me I am going to continue …
as for the results I will bear the consequences.
I might not do sports anymore why not do now…

I am not in a good state….
Not good..
Terrible state.
7 November 2006

I was flipping through the calendar just now. ** bored at work, rotting around **
In a blink of eye, 2006 is ending.

The countdown we had seem like yesterday.
The countdown we had at marine, by the Singapore River.
We brought alcohols drink tidbits stood by the side of river n enjoys. Took plenty of pictures.
Everything has ended. The friendship between the few of us changed. We are no longer the same. I doubt next year countdown we be together counting down.

As for this coming countdown, the people I wish to be with are my poly mates. How I wish we could all gather sit down enjoy and celebrate welcome 2007 together. Can?

So what have I done?
What have I achieve?

I indeed miss many things.
What I always did in the past year, this year I didn’t do it.
Practically after school life ends, I was busy with training and work, too lazy to do anything else.

January – attachment life. During this month at Nus, I was busy rushing my report and presentation at the same time clearing my leave. 3 days of holidays let us have so must time to rest. After attachment, we were either in school drinking bubble tea or meeting up friends on Friday night for dinner. I will make the effort to ask them out on Friday night for dinner. Otherwise, I will call up SM to meet up at woodland Causeway MacDonald to slack before heading home.

February – Many people date me out but I didn’t want to go out at all. I just want to be alone. After attachment, I immediately went home to help mummy with housework.
He knew I would not go out therefore he gave me a surprise on that particular night.
Out of nowhere, a deliveryman appears at my doorstep saying that the big bouquet of sunflowers on his arm was for me. It was like 1030pm, and he kept apologizing for being so late. Saying that he has too many delivery tasks to accomplish therefore drag until late hour. I was like so shocked and surprise in my life so far I have never receive any flower before. Mummy and sister kept questioning me where did the flower come from. Question could be seen on my head. I ask around in MSN but no one told me anything. I wrote up big on my msn nick asking, “Who is the one sending flower to my house?”
Everyone was laughing at me saying I have too much suitors le.
Ha-ha. Funny. Anyway thanks him for that.
Nice quiet valentine day I would say. Not too bad though.
Was as usual busy preparing for school and company presentation. Waiting for final panel review can’t wait to be graduate. Meet up yc who came back from Germany and the rest in midac. Talking about our attachment life. So nice to see one another again.
Attachment ended.
Presentation and report ended.
School life ended.
Work started.

March – I started working at Dad Company during this month everything was still okay. Because I get to meet up my peeks after work. We will meet up for buffet, drink at coffee bean and more. During this period I will still wear nice nice to work and look forward to meet up my mates. Wahahaaz. When I was in the office I had nothing much to do, partly because I am not official into this work yet. No, table no computer for me. I practically rot do rubbish work. Follow my driver out to deliver goods. Everything was fun at that point of time because I get to go to shipyard with dad go collect stock deliver stock meet many different people out there.
I just have to follow those drivers in and out. During the journey, I still can catch some sleep. Good life right? ** Story continues as month goes on**

April – everyday I will take bus with daddy to office. Waking up damn early, so tired.
Squeezing in the bus, same timing same driver, and same passenger. I never fail to see them.
I never fail to fall sleep on the bus too. *pig*
At this point of time I knew R. practically I was talking to him on phone when I was working. We chat online on phone and meet up when we can. He will send me home whenever we meet up and then walk home. He was a nice person.
Everything spoilt when the word “childish” came out of my mouth.
Stupid me. I treasure the time we had together. I didn’t think before I do things. *I had a Pig brain I guess.*
He ended up in hospital I try to help him as I can. I wanted to be there for him.

May – This year Vesak Day, I didn’t go to the temple like the past year, to pray and stuff. I was practically at home I think or out shopping. Other then this I cant remembers what I did. I started lifeguard lesson.

June – I was busy shifting office. Nothing much in life. Clubbing drinking working training. Every training yc will fetch me up for roti pata session. He always buys me dinner. I guess I was too poor.
Tried stuffing money into his car or album but failed. This person has good eyesight.

July, August, September - working, training clubbing, hanging at lifeguard hut.
Mostly was at ECP. Cook there eats there; cycle there, cycle to town…
In July, I was official into the company. I got to deal with all kind of important document.
Everything has to go through dad and me. Everything is with me. Many unhappy things happen. Wanted to leave the company I was very down and felt so unfair. I wanted to pursue my dream become a psychologist my uni life... but now why am I here? I was complaining to mummy but still the same. Everything sucks up. However, lucky me few friends stood by me.
Many went NS, but we still try to meet up on weekend. Most of time we failed due to poor response, but it does not make us give up.
University life started therefore those who are in university get busy got to concentrate on their studies therefore time doesn’t other mixed. We had to give and take.
We kept on trying but get tired also la.
I was busy planning for chalet. Busy searching for dress to wear on the particalular day.
Planning who to invite, designing my 21st birthday cake.

October – my hand was hurting me till unbearable. Finally, I went to the doctor for help. They refer me to TTSH. In addition, from this on, every 2 week I have to return to TTSH for check up scan doctor appointment.
CT scan
MIR scan
Injection.
All ended me up in tear. I just hate injection. I have the phobia. What to do?
I was all alone throughout all these appointment. Mummy and daddy was working, noone can accompany me.
I didn’t want people to company me also I want to be myself face everything myself.
Okokay okay contradicting.
Pain.

Busy planning for chalet stuff telling people about it.

November – TTSH as usual sick of going that place. Pain hauting me on and off.
Tear rolled down when I heard what the doctor says. When I get out of the room I was like no more energy to move on.
Busy finding shoes for my birthday.
Busy buying chalet stuff.
As usual busy working training.
Nothing much.

December – we have plan for a win session for Christmas hope everything turn out fun, with those 2 kids around I think everything be fun. Wahhahaz. This will be a wonderful xmas I guess.

Many happy and unhappy things happen. Lost some friends
Started a relationship.
Life change.
Started more training.
Lost my chance to Mt Ophir and Kinabalu.
Op soon.
Upset. Despair. Disappointed.

Miss school. Miss school life.
Miss friends.
Miss attachment life.
Miss those fun and laughter.
Miss having lesson.
No time to go back school at all, all because I knock off at 6pm by the time I am back my enclose department is locked.

Brought few dress and clothes. Got to change my dressing sense. I am improving ma. Wahahhaz..got people say I dress up very pretty l0. whahahaz!! I am high up in the sky.
But must understand I am lazy la wahhahaz.

Throughout the whole year, there was a lot of chalet. Many friends turning 21st. thanks
for inviting me. Greatly appreciated.
SK chalet.
Kevin chalet.
Hanwen celebration at his house.
Jansen chalet.
Chee Hwee chalet.
Esther celebration at the coffee shop.
ZZ celebration at the suntec Indo.
Many chalet and celebration. Cant remember. Just know that I have lot of chalet.
Cracking my brain thinking what to buy for them.
Basically its all perfume, clothes, wallet and photo frame made by myself.
Still have a few more to go.

Happy 21st Birthday everyone!!!
We all officially 21st, grown up le.
Older a year so must be more sensible.

Those were the days.
Good memories that accompany me walk through my life.

9 November 2006

Jus came back from MIR scan. Thanks to boy, he accompany me there and then drove me to office.
No injection needed this time round. Thanks god!

They said it was not necessary at all, so we went ahead with the scan.
I was being push in, it kind aerospace kind of thing.
The sound is so loud that can burst off your ear.
Erm, cant breathe too hard, cant move. I was scolded by the nurse thrice in the scan.
“Don’t breathe too hard please.” First time she said.
“Don’t move please” 2nd time she said.
I didn’t move, I guess it was unaware kind of thing.
“Can you don’t breathe too hard, we are supposed to finish” third time.
The last time she said sometime but I couldn’t hear at all. Her voice was too soft plus the machine sound.

Finally done.
If its too serious the doctor will called me up soon else I will have to wait patiently for the appointment.

Nothing much.

I told him I need my air to breathe too doesn’t mean I am attached to him I have to scarified my freedom too.
He understands. He is learning. He cares for me I know.
However, don’t over do it I will reaction differently.
I’am a person who want my freedom my own air to breathe.

11 November 2006

Last night training isn’t that good. Told coach about my situation but didn’t get any response. Erm will continue to train hard.

Jus like coach and doctor said: “go ahead train and bear the consequences yourself. You know pretty well what will happen.”

I’am in the mid of training one step ahead to test I cant possible give up now.

Haiz why did the doctor tell me now? Why don’t tell me later?
Haiz.

Sucks it greatly sucks.
Calf tissue torn. Ligament torn.
Muscle all torn apart.
Asshole why does it need to happen to my shoulder.

Never mind. Wo(1) ren(4) le(4).

Was trying to hold my D-SLR. I don’t even have the strength to hold a camera, cant even take a good shot.
I am totally shit off by myself.
Argh!

Never mind work hard it will pay off one day.

Tomorrow going for hair cut.
Tonight I am going to catch movie.

Where everyone I miss them.
Where yc.. why didn’t he call me like before?
Where sm and j? I guess they busy studying.
Where wx? I think he is in ns.
Where j? he is busy with work I think.

**getting back to work. 40 mins more to go then off work lo. **

2006-11-01T23:25:00.000+08:00

It’s the encouragement that made me move on…
Or was it the negative ness that made mi drag myself on??

1 November 2006

How I wish I never exist…

The rain falling from the sky seems like washing my tear away.
I cant feel any better.

Why must mummy also go against me?
Seeing that I dun succeed she is extremely happy uh?
I want to go clubbing go get drunk..
Anyone?

31 October 2006

The chapter begins….
I had a bad messy dream last night.

Slept at 12 midnight.
Woke up at 2am. Flip my entire body 180 degree.
Woke up again at 330am. Flip my entire body 180 degree again.
Went to on the fan to the max I tot it would be better but I was wrong.
Woke up again argh!! This time round its only 4am.
Looking at my hand phone it was 5am…
615..
630…
7….
Argh!!
I couldn’t sleep the whole day practically I was flipping 180 degree here n there.
I couldn’t get my mind to rest in peace.
My dream was damn messy.
Don’t know what shit dream is that.
Its haunting me.

I couldn’t get out of bed. I was dragging myself out, I am extreme tired.
Dad was screaming at me “ Wei hui Wake up ah!!!”
Sis was screaming at me too “ Jie wake up no time le…”
They took turns to scream at me.

Argh!! Suck up stupid asshole dream.
Return my sleep to me!!

2006-10-30T23:24:00.000+08:00

27th October 2006

I had a conflict with mummy last night. Argh!!
I was telling her what I was going to buy for the chalet.
How many paper plates how many cups and so on…
She was like this don’t need that don’t need.. why tell me and stuff..

I was like I didn’t tell you u say I din tell you anything keep you in dark.
But when I tell you every single thing you said why tell you, everything also don’t need buy. I was damn tulan.
She jus kept saying “ you guy young kids woulnt know anything, don’t know what to buy de la,” everything she also say we don’t know.
I guess on that particular whatever we do she will want to care.
Come-on we are grown up it not the first time we plan this kind of activies can we just go there n play.

While me and sis was discussing what we are going to buy for tidbits she was like buy so much tibits for what.
I couldn’t tolerate anymore. I told her off.
“ we guys go chalet to play have fun not like you aunt go chalet sleep.”
I know its very bad of me but that’s the fact isn’t it?
Having a chalet is to have fun not to go there sleep, if want to sleep might as well stay at home and sleep, agree?

Why don’t she understand how I feel?

Suck everything suck to the core.
If there no chalet there wouldn’t be any conflict nor …whatever shit stuff..
If there, no chalet we wouldn’t be busy planning.
If there no chalet, I will just quietly pass my 21st birthday isn’t that good?

C0me to think of it, my head hurts.
Whatever..
Noone going to stop me from having fun.

FREAK !!!
FREAK !!!
FREAK!!!! FREAK!!!!!!
FREAK!!!!!!!!!!
FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shoulder hurting me, the pain killing me. Nothing can be done; I can only tolerate the pain. It sucks.
Doctor appointment is approaching.
It kind of useless to visit them when they cant do anything to my shoulder for months.
“LL”

Pathetic I totally broke.
Doctor fee…
Treatment….
Hair treatment….
Chalet expenses…a bomb landed on myself..

All these happening I have to pay a price…

“Bread” been a good friend of mine for like 2 month there wouldn’t be any difference if it continue for another month.
Any part time job... Anyone?

Skimping till e end of every single cent is rather hard, torturing…

28TH October 2006
I am so unhappy so unhappy. Just because of the chalet thing, mummy and me kept screaming here n there. She keeps going against what I say.
She will say why need buy this? Why need buy that?
Why need to buy so early?
…so many why.

There is so many why. Why this why that. It just two weeks away and I don’t wan to rush thing at the very last minute. Why noone understand?
I am just too lazy to reply. Since she wants to ask so much let her be I will just shut my mouth. The more I reply the more screaming there will be.

I have swimming training I have running training I have to work. I am not saying I am very busy but I cannot let loose of my training.
I promise myself to train hard and improve. Only weekend I will do those chalet stuff. Why do you force me to go fuotang on weekend when you know that I only have free time on weekend. Unwillingly forcing myself to fuotang that very meaningless right? Why still…?

Haiz I don’t understand a single thing.
I am lost not knowing what to buy for chalet luckily the rest is here to help.

Come to thing of it my head hurts.
It simply sucks.

How I wish I could cancel off this chalet.
How I wish I didn’t book the chalet in the first place.
How I wish I had die earlier.
Sucks..
Everything sucks.

Argh!
My timing not improving.
My chalet stuff bothering me.
My work suck.
Totally broke.
Boring life.

Can someone spare me a new life?

YC SM want to go SBC watch basketball matches ma. Remember that every Sunday we used to spend our time there watching matches?

“We are entering a different stage of life.

When life get busy we often forget about out friends.

During life, we will always meet new people new friends.

In life, we will always find some people we get along so well and yet some that make we hate them to the core.

Have you ever think of the old friends you used to have? The wonderful times you guys used to spend together?
Have the urge to meet them up and hug them?”

~Yuehui~

~我很不开心…..不开心…~

30 October 2006
>> Chalet stuff

The whole weekend I was busy purchasing my chalet stuff. Chiong here n there to purchase the needed stuff.
Beauty world, sheng siong, suntec city Carrefour …
Total spent amount of about $350-400. Well there still quite a no of things not brought yet.

More to come…~

At least we are more or less there already so did not worry…

Still far away, I still have 2 weeks to go so no worries.

Had a quarrel with him on Saturday.
Partly my fault, I couldn’t accept the way he is. The style of life he is but after some explanation to one another, everything went back to normal.
I am selfish. I always wants things to be my way. Haiz.
Stubborn stupid me.
He wants to make this last, I shall try hard to.
Can i? I doubt myself.

>> Training

Tired.
Training been okay. 7km I took about 47mins. Wahhaha super long but great achievement for me because I had improve and run along with the two guys. In between lost some steps and was behind them but good thing I caught up with them..muhahahaz ** pats pat on my shoulder…(“,) I shall train more and see how is it.

Fallen asleep while I was waiting for dad to finish work. Wanted to finish the design of my invitation card and the banner but I was just too tired.
Thanks to aldwin he offer to print for me. In olour and A3 form which save me quite a no of money. thanks.

>> Mt ophir / Kinabalu.

After chalet I ll save hard for Mt Ophir or Kinabalu trip. Yeah!! I am going ..wahaha~~

Enjoy the view there. YESH YESH !!!

Wahaha so high hope it wouldn’t disappoint me again.

Ah sam !! faster fixed a date I wanan go !!!

Takecare friends. Love and miss you guys lotsa!!

**hugs..

27th October 2006

I had a conflict with mummy last night. Argh!!
I was telling her what I was going to buy for the chalet.
How many paper plates how many cups and so on…
She was like this don’t need that don’t need.. why tell me and stuff..

I was like I didn’t tell you u say I din tell you anything keep you in dark.
But when I tell you every single thing you said why tell you, everything also don’t need buy. I was damn tulan.
She jus kept saying “ you guy young kids woulnt know anything, don’t know what to buy de la,” everything she also say we don’t know.
I guess on that particular whatever we do she will want to care.
Come-on we are grown up it not the first time we plan this kind of activies can we just go there n play.

While me and sis was discussing what we are going to buy for tidbits she was like buy so much tibits for what.
I couldn’t tolerate anymore. I told her off.
“ we guys go chalet to play have fun not like you aunt go chalet sleep.”
I know its very bad of me but that’s the fact isn’t it?
Having a chalet is to have fun not to go there sleep, if want to sleep might as well stay at home and sleep, agree?

Why don’t she understand how I feel?

Suck everything suck to the core.
If there no chalet there wouldn’t be any conflict nor …whatever shit stuff..
If there, no chalet we wouldn’t be busy planning.
If there no chalet, I will just quietly pass my 21st birthday isn’t that good?

C0me to think of it, my head hurts.
Whatever..
Noone going to stop me from having fun.

FREAK !!!
FREAK !!!
FREAK!!!!
FREAK!!!!!!
FREAK!!!!!!!!!!
FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shoulder hurting me, the pain killing me. Nothing can be done; I can only tolerate the pain. It sucks.
Doctor appointment is approaching.
It kind of useless to visit them when they cant do anything to my shoulder for months.
“LL”

Pathetic I totally broke.
Doctor fee…
Treatment….
Hair treatment….
Chalet expenses…a bomb landed on myself..

All these happening I have to pay a price…

“Bread” been a good friend of mine for like 2 month there wouldn’t be any difference if it continue for another month.
Any part time job... Anyone?

Skimping till e end of every single cent is rather hard, torturing…

28TH October 2006
I am so unhappy so unhappy. Just because of the chalet thing, mummy and me kept screaming here n there. She keeps going against what I say.
She will say why need buy this? Why need buy that?
Why need to buy so early?
…so many why.

There is so many why. Why this why that. It just two weeks away and I don’t wan to rush thing at the very last minute. Why noone understand?
I am just too lazy to reply. Since she wants to ask so much let her be I will just shut my mouth. The more I reply the more screaming there will be.

I have swimming training I have running training I have to work. I am not saying I am very busy but I cannot let loose of my training.
I promise myself to train hard and improve. Only weekend I will do those chalet stuff. Why do you force me to go fuotang on weekend when you know that I only have free time on weekend. Unwillingly forcing myself to fuotang that very meaningless right? Why still…?

Haiz I don’t understand a single thing.
I am lost not knowing what to buy for chalet luckily the rest is here to help.

Come to thing of it my head hurts.
It simply sucks.

How I wish I could cancel off this chalet.
How I wish I didn’t book the chalet in the first place.
How I wish I had die earlier.
Sucks..
Everything sucks.

Argh!
My timing not improving.
My chalet stuff bothering me.
My work suck.
Totally broke.
Boring life.

Can someone spare me a new life?

YC SM want to go SBC watch basketball matches ma. Remember that every Sunday we used to spend our time there watching matches?

“We are entering a different stage of life.

When life get busy we often forget about out friends.

During life, we will always meet new people new friends.

In life, we will always find some people we get along so well and yet some that make we hate them to the core.

Have you ever think of the old friends you used to have? The wonderful times you guys used to spend together?
Have the urge to meet them up and hug them?”

~Yuehui~

~我很不开心…..不开心…~

30 October 2006
>> Chalet stuff

The whole weekend I was busy purchasing my chalet stuff. Chiong here n there to purchase the needed stuff.
Beauty world, sheng siong, suntec city Carrefour …
Total spent amount of about $350-400. Well there still quite a no of things not brought yet.

More to come…~

At least we are more or less there already so did not worry…

Still far away, I still have 2 weeks to go so no worries.

Had a quarrel with him on Saturday.
Partly my fault, I couldn’t accept the way he is. The style of life he is but after some explanation to one another, everything went back to normal.
I am selfish. I always wants things to be my way. Haiz.
Stubborn stupid me.
He wants to make this last, I shall try hard to.
Can i? I doubt myself.

>> Training

Tired.
Training been okay. 7km I took about 47mins. Wahhaha super long but great achievement for me because I had improve and run along with the two guys. In between lost some steps and was behind them but good thing I caught up with them..muhahahaz ** pats pat on my shoulder…(“,) I shall train more and see how is it.

Fallen asleep while I was waiting for dad to finish work. Wanted to finish the design of my invitation card and the banner but I was just too tired.
Thanks to aldwin he offer to print for me. In olour and A3 form which save me quite a no of money. thanks.

>> Mt ophir / Kinabalu.

After chalet I ll save hard for Mt Ophir or Kinabalu trip. Yeah!! I am going ..wahaha~~

Enjoy the view there. YESH YESH !!!

Wahaha so high hope it wouldn’t disappoint me again.

Ah sam !! faster fixed a date I wanan go !!!

Takecare friends. Love and miss you guys lotsa!!

**hugs..

2006-10-26T22:24:00.000+08:00

im so unhappy..so unhappy abt my chalet..

mummy screaming here n there..im so unhappy..
if there no chalet then i wun be so unhapppy...haiz....

2006-10-26T22:22:00.000+08:00

26 october 2006

A long weekend has just ended.
So what did you people do?
My weekend was all about working and training, sleeping eating.
Wahhahaz..wasted right?
I was mentally tired to move.

Friday –
Reach home at 10pm, shower rot till 2pm went to bed.
Saturday –
Slept all the way to 10am.
I was practically dragging myself out of bed.
My head was hurting me.
I didn’t eat anything I jus had no appetite.
What did I do on Saturday? **wondering...scratching her head!
Erm I went Ikea. Promise Andy that I will help him with his furniture. I had nothing on too so might as well go there and help, give him some ideas.
We made a few trip, to and fro.
Long queues... The whole place was crowded with plenty of people. I could hardly walk; there was no empty seat in the café. Haiz. I was tired mentally and physically tired. But still drag myself push myself.
I don’t know what got into me. I just know I am exhausted.

Was supposed to meet up YC WL YQ SM and the rest for dinner. But end up with 3 cats so decided to cancel. I couldn’t make it in time too. Sorry guys. Haiz. it seem like we never had a chance to meet up. Its been so long since EVERYONE gather. Yesh I mean everyone.
Its just diffcult.

Went to tampines to buy mattress but it was out of stock argh!! Ended up having dinner at pasta manis. It was like my first meal of the day. I was damn hungry; hungry till so full. Can save the money not to eat la but ended up eating so much;a plate of spaggitta and pizza.
You could see how hungry I was. Just like a hungry ghost.

I was totally switched off; couldn’t think of anything therefore go to bed at 1pm.

Sunday
Woke up at only 10am.
Suppose to follow daddy to work but I woke up far too late. He went to office at 7am.
Dotzz!! I’ am such a pig.
Follow Andy to ECP. I was there for training; he is there coz….he miss lifeguard hut.
Catch up with ah yang, surprised that he was actually there. Despite of the headache I have, I still went on. On the way to Bedok Jetty, I have stopped like 4 times, wanted to vomit out everything in my stomach. I was feeling so unwell, ended up make it like only ¼ of the journey that I am suppose to run. Haiz.
See how bad that was?

After some rest, continue running and cycle.
After which we went…..erm town to search for my birthday cake.
It been months since I started searching for my cake. No cake actually interests me. Haiz. I guess I was too choosy.
We went around walking after which I was being send home to rest when the guys went to fixed up the table and bed.

For the whole day, I just had a pack of so-un-nice carrot cake and a drink from Coffee
bean.
Nothing could go into my stomach.

Monday
It was a day flooded with work.
So many works that I had no time for lunch.
There is so many orders that the paper keep coming out of the fax machine; non-stop.

Those stupid ass hole, you guys watch out when I learn more stuff I will make you guys stuck up to my ass hole.
Idiot fellow.

He is attached. All of us was so surprise. Well good thing that we didn’t end up together. His sister loves his gf so much. If I will to be with him, everything wouldn’t be so nice.
It all fated isn’t it?
Well, some friends ask me If I am interested to find out how his gf like and stuff.
Well I am not interested. That’s his gf. Our distance is like million billion mile away.
How will everything turn out to be in the future? What happen if one day we happen to see each other on the street? Will we turn and walk away or??
Not thinking.. not going to think.
Let nature takes it course.

I decided to give him a chance.
I am not going to announce to people I am attached.
I had already lost faith in myself. I am giving myself a try and c how it goes.
If it goes when then we will c to it ba.
Hope my frenz don’t ask anything. I just want to keep it slow quiet.

Chalet is like 2 week away.
Busy preparing.
The cake have already been order. Thanks Andy for co-sponsoring the cake. So called present.
Thanks for the early present.
Busy thinking how to decro the place up and buying those needed stuff.

You are invited!!
Here are the details of the chalet!!

Its my 21st Brithday and ya invited. Please free yourself from all appointments and be there.
The fun’s happening @

Place: Aloha Loyang ( Pasir Ris )
Date : 18th Nov 2006.
Time : 5.30pm
Chalet No: Garden Bungalow 5

Ya pressence will be greatly apprecaited.

Regards,
Eve Yehui

* Please let me know if you could make it in advance. Thanks
For those who want to stay over I be@the chalet on 17th Nov 3pm.

Yuehui
Jia you!! Train hard.
Be psycho logistical strong and steady.
Everything will turn out fine.

26th October 2006

>>
Everyone contributing paper plate’s cups spoon forks and …many more.
They use their credit to buy trash bag…plates …etc
Thanks people!
I know you guys trying very hard to save here n there. Appreciated.!
This weekend we shall go shop for some stuff so everything wouldn’t be so cramp together.

>>
Doctor appointment next week. Argh! Hate it!

>>
I was telling Boy every month I buy a adidas top then eventually I have lot of adidas clothes..Wahahahaz! I am just crazy over adidas. He says I am crazy too.

>>
Some idiots are just an asshole. They are lazy they except you don’t give them any work. They just want high pay and rot around. Despite all these, they waste the company money and resources like nobody business. They simply suck. Asshole! Watch out and I fire you one day.
Idiot. Lazy bum.
Why is there such existing person in this world?
I simply don’t understand. Asshole!
ARGH!HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Can anyone understand my frustration and anger?
Sometime I just feel like giving them a tight slap on their face. If killing someone doesn’t need to be jailed, I will definitely be the first to kill them.
I am very bad right. I think I need psychologist service or mental disorder.. Haiz.. argh!!
Ass hole.!

2006-10-21T01:02:00.000+08:00

the laughter n joy.. do u guys still rml??

2006-10-21T00:56:00.000+08:00

it been month since we last met..the bbq seem like ytd..
i miss you guys...

2006-10-21T00:50:00.000+08:00

Grauation seem like yesterday..
i miss school.
i miss the times we spend together..
im gg back to sch nx yr m i ??
but there no longer you guys around. qurrel with mi..guide mi along..

2006-10-21T00:32:00.000+08:00

17th October 2006

Stupid doctors, thanks ah.
I have to wait for another 2 weeks to see another doctor.
The story repeats again, again and again.
Each time the doctor appointment to view my situation is different; I have to repeat the problem I facing repeatedly. Haiz I am so sick of it. can someone tape down what I said and play them when another doctor is here?
The worst sentence that one of the doctor said yesterday was “ your hand is not obstructing you form doing anything, neither is it stopping you from doing anything, therefore yours isn’t serious not a emergency case, you will have to wait. We wouldn’t attend to you so fast.”

What shit is this?
I guess by the time you guys find out my problem my hand has already being chop off by myself.
After complaining so much, what can I do?
Just Tolerate and wait lo. LL--

**you are a left handed, you cant survive without ya right hand right?
It’s the same logic…dude**

>>
If I didn’t ask him to hurry it wouldn’t happen.
If we didn’t went out we went back home straight to shift those stuff home, I guess it wouldn’t happen.
If I didn’t tag along to his house to help him move his stuff, things wouldn’t have happen.
If I didn’t talk so much, I guess he wouldn’t feel so pek chek too.
All my fault. Yesh. MY FAULT!
I should be more obedient.
When he was in the cleaning process, I should have shut up why was I talking so much?
I was so worried but still talking so much. Stupid me;
When I saw blood on him, I was so worried.
I was worried sick. What will happen to him?
Will he faint after a while like what it used to happen to me?
Will he…
Will he…
At that point of time, a lot of question flooded my mind.
All I know was hurry to the clinic, hurry the doctor to attend to him.
While I was hurrying I try to look at him make sure he don’t faint or whatever.

He was strong and kept saying he was alright, I should have taken his words and believe he is alright and don’t bother anymore but I didn’t. I kept talking, asking him to shut up. I guess I was the one who need to shut my ass out. Shut my stupid mouth.
I tried to help but ended up with more trouble.

What the hell happening to me?
It teaches me a lesson. I shall quiet down and don’t utter any words unless necessary.

When he was in the clinic I stood outside and cried. Tears rolled down uncontrolled.
What happen to me? Why do I react this way? argh!!!

Haiz. I am so angry with myself. Really very furious.
I didn’t want to talk to him, I didn’t want to see him. I feel so guilty.
Saying sorry wouldn’t help, what has happen has happen.
The blood he lost was so much. Anyone who saw it will be terrified.
His hand was fill of blood, his shirt and his whole half head was blood.
The sight is still in my brain. Haiz.

Couldn’t sleep the whole night. It was an accident but I feel so bad. Plus menstruation pain …wow~ I couldn’t sleep. I guess I had too much cold drink recently so ya….
Bu ting hua de wo.~~

Head hurting me. I have yet to found the design of my cake.
I have yet to prepare for my chalet stuff.
I have yet to buy a pair of shoes for my birthday.
I had informed all the people about my birthday chalet and guess what. Out of 150 only 5 replied saying “ I ll be there”.
Whereas the rest either didn’t reply else their reply was
“ I don’t know how to go so not gg.”
“I am going oversea so I am not going”
“ erm I will have to see how”
“my sis birthday is the same as yours cant go”
“I have a chalet during that period so cant be there”.
“it on a weekend, I cant turn up.”
What the problem?
I guess I shouldn’t think so much.
When the boat going to reach the shore it will be straight.

Well I am not being unreasonable, in some sense I understand but I believe if you are sincere no matter how you will dorp by the celebration. Whatever.
What if no one turn up that day?

I’m thinking too much.
I want to go shopping else I will turn crazy sooner of later, yet in the other hand I cant.

Can someone shoot me to death?
I need a shoulder can someone lead me one??

18 October 2006

Its 3.30pm.
He just msg me saying he is not feeling well. I guess x ray is needed. How I wish I can accompany him to doctor.
Haiz. sucks!! Greatly sucks.

I am working I cant go out at all. How I wish I can take half day leave and go accompany him. He dad is working I assume. He will say he is alright but I doubt so. I am still very worried.

There nothing I can do . useless right?

19 October 2006

I was at TTSH last night till 1.30am.

I dragged myself home at around 8pm. I was so tired.
I want to get out of the office. I was too tired exhausted.
Tons of work to finish.
I nearly couldn’t get myself to walk home I wish I could climb home. Or crawl home.

HaiZ~ by the time I got him last night was around 10pm. Finished shower at around 10.15. he called saying he is not well. Without a second thought I change and ran to his house. He was unwell. Looking at him, you know clearly that he cant even walk properly, he was breathless, feeling dizzy.
I drag him to the doctor thinking that the 24hr at hougang was still open but I was wrong. It isn’t 24hr anymore. end up we took a cab down to serangoon 24 hours clinic.

Useless doctor he cant do anything he refer us to TTSH. Quickly took a cab down, we were sort of lucky coz there was cab all over. Took us not long to reach TTSH.

The queue was damn bloody long.
Went for x ray, doctor. I left him alone there coz dad kept calling and scolding me. I got no choice but to leave him there. I msg him every hourly to ensure he is okay. I was worried. Haiz~ selfish parent that I had. They said stuff which made them so selfish.

Do you both know that when I was in trouble who helped mi most?
Do you both know when I was in difficulties who help mi most?
Do you know who was the one who is always here for me?

I hate you guys. Stupid!
I make sure I shoot you back with these words one day. Don’t give me the chance to.

Idiot. This morning he msg him saying he is admitted.
Going to visit him after work.

Time, Could you move faster and let my working time pass faster please?
So I can go collect my nano and then go down to visit him?
I will appreciate.

Been praying he be okay..
God please let him be alright. Nothing must happen to him.
Can you hear me?
Please….~

**which idiot stole my staple and puncture?
Asshole..~~ tons of work coming in again~argh!

I am going to go out play this holiday, we plan to go ikea, shopping out to play but now he is in hospital …argh!!

2006-10-16T23:23:00.000+08:00

heard he is attached..
good...hope u guys r blessed.

why do i feel something?
i din wan to be with him itherefore he ended up with someone else isnt it?
nvmm...

head hurting mi..
the custom made cake are gone..i got to look for new one. i got alot of thing to do..

gone~~~~~~

2006-10-15T20:55:00.000+08:00

erm counting down 2 days to TTSH..
i wanna go club and dance..but i cant comsume any aclohol...haiz..

pain strike me.
sometime i cant even walk...
i no longer have the strength to move on..
haiz..i hv no choice..
am i going soon??

i was thinkin has our friendship ended or?
well look like u doing well...not look like it the fact..well good..
im gg rest...Tired..i have chalet stuff to prepare still...

night~~

2006-10-10T21:43:00.000+08:00

9 October 2006

Some things that happen over the weekends..

>>Socks.

“Your sock is already torn…,” he said [in mandarin].
I was so embarrassed when he said that. I didn’t know how to reply back
How I wish I can drag a hole on the floor and bury my head in.
The back part of my socks is indeed torn, the heel part. It no longer serves it purpose because it doesn’t protect my feet why would I say so because my back feet (the heel part) n the shoes have been rubbing till it bleeds very often.
Pathetic uh.
It been with me for like 4 years it time for me to buy new sock but not now.

>>IPod Nano

“Opps, there no response on my iPod Nano when I try to on it”
The screen could not display anything. I knew my iPod going to leave me for quite some time.
Without second thought, I rush down to Wheel lock iPod service centre to save it. The queue was damn long. There was only two counter, partly due to weekend there’s plenty of people there. No choice given so I got to wait there patiently.
Waited for half an hour before it was my turn.
I was right. My Nano have to be send it and they will replace one for me. I get to know that the replacement will be those that was spoilt before and went back to original after some repairs. It stated in the terms and condition, so read carefully.
I wanted the engraving to be on the Nano therefore it got to be send back to US and back to Singapore it will take about 1-1-1/2 month time.
Argh!
I am Gonna live without my Nano.

>> The girl in the MRT.

As I was on the train home, taking the north east line(from Outram), I notice this girl on the train. The train was quite packed, and it happens that I was standing 45 deg facing her.
I look around the train and observed. Everyone face was showing that they are tired. Some was yawning some was trying to catch their sleep, some was reading away. 98% was working adults. This particular girl is around the age of 18-20.
Since she boarded the train, she open her bag and start putting make up.
There was this huge pouch that contains all her cosmetic. It was obvious, when she opens up the bags those stuff would catch ya attention. From Outram to Serangoon, she was busy putting Marcara (I don’t know how to spell, it the things where u apply on the eye lashes.) she was applying it again and again, again and again ;countless time. Then she clip them after which she apply again and again again and again and clip it.
For goodness sake, from Outram to Serangoon, she is only doing it on one of her eyes. Imagine how long that was. I guess she was alighting so she hurry up did the same thing for the other eye and then she start putting blusher on her cheeks.
Next she apply lipstick, she apply once look in the mirror.
She apply the whole lips, look in the mirror.
Apply the whole lips, look in the mirror.
Apply the whole lips, look in the mirror.
I was so bored that I count the number of time she apply the lipstick.
So let guess how many time?
4
5
6
Or?
Wahahaha! She have total apply a number of 8 time of lipstick. The way she applies wasn’t those lighter type, but she apply quite hard. The color was already on her lips after the second time she apply but why does she still…

Dotzz!! I can’t understand this kind.

When she finally get off the seat, I glare at her from head to toes.
She was a normal girl. Her teeth were those rabbit teeth’s. she around my size weighting about 45 kg maybe? Her complexion seems good without make up.
She was wearing a tube that was rather low that you could actually see the whole breast, tight jeans with heels. Her bag was bigger then anything on her body. I mean it Very big. When she got out of the train, she was still looking on the mirror trying to touch up her make up.

OMG! I mean I got no stand to criticize her I don’t want to criticize her also.
I am just sharing my views no offence!
Erm why don’t apply at home before going out?
It kind of ugly to do that on the train isn’t it?

What do you guys think?
She is pretty in person without the mark up why still apply such a thick make up?
Haiz~ Yuehui just dun get it.

>> Mizuno Shoes.

I have been aiming for Mizuno shoes for very long. It has been 6 7 years since I brought a sport shoes. I have been running bare footed else wearing the Converse school shoes that I have. Pathetic right?
I have been looking around for shoes did not bear to buy because of lack of cash. Plus nowadays the medical fee can kills me oh ya in addition the chalet next month.
I been thinking whether to buy or not knowing my stand and my financial status.
Yesterday I went to Paragon Mizuno shop and brought that shoe!
I tried a few design and sizes of the shoes. I chose Orange color for my shoes cool right?
Muhahahaz finally made a choice to buy that shoe.

I wish for it…I work for it. Finally I got it!!!
Yeah!

I know the consequences that t I got to bear after buying that shoes.
I can’t go out for the rest of month.
I have to suffer on bread.
I can’t have my favrouite sub-way meals.
I cant hang out I have to save on transports.
I deserve it. since I chose this way I got to accept.
I miss prata!!~~

I got my shoes now its time to train myself!
No more excuse given to myself.
A month more to standard chartered; I don’t wan to pull the rest timing down I want to catch up with them. I gonna work hard.

I cant wait to go sun-tanning this Saturday with Regina. ~~

How I wish I have a boyfriend.
I can have him by my side accompany me.
Accompany me to go do sports, shop…etc together isn’t that wonderful.
我好可望….I want to fall in love again!!

~Mt Kinabulu this year end anyone? ~

10 October 2006

>> Mt Kinabalu

Haiz. Train so hard for Mt Kinabalu yet I can’t go by this year.
I am somewhat upset.
30 December 2006 to 2 January 2007 is a long holiday.
Anyone want to organize a camp or trip oversea?
I need a break from work. I am damn tired.

>> Tired

I drag my feet out of bed every morning. My brain jus can’t keep awake. I keep yawning and falling asleep. Dad showing me black faces argh! Slapping myself hard to keep awake.
2 days of bread yet I am so sick how?
I want eat fries, laska, prata, mee siam, soya beans, satay,…etc argh!! I want to eat western. Anyone interested?

>> eat eat

I finally know what the reason that I eat so much but I would grow fat.
The problem is here to haunt me.
Mummy say I got to go receive treatment. Haiz.i don’t want!!! I don’t want to eat those medicine.
Nearly went for a jab yesterday due to my bad gastric pain. It came back and looks for me again after such a long time.
Insane me, I took 6 med at a go and it works. The pain goes off in like an hour time. muhahahaz..clever right?
Slept at 11pm but still I am so tired.
Bad dreams are haunting me; please go away so that I can have some sleep. Thanks ah.

Here’s my training plan.

Monday Running.
Tuesday Running.
Wednesday Swimming.
Thursday Rest.
Friday Swimming.
Saturday Rest [Sun tanning.]
Sunday Running & Canoe.

Anyone interested to join my training program?

2006-10-06T23:47:00.000+08:00

it "lantern festival.." i forgot..

2006-10-06T23:42:00.000+08:00

i forgot my candles n lantern this year..
haiz i was busy working..training i didnt even realiease its lantern festival..haiz..
i couldnt make it to buy candle or a lantern..
when i finish my training tonight it was far too late,..haiz..

2006-10-06T23:16:00.000+08:00

Monday 25th Sept 2006

Nau at home the whole day.
The whole day plan was-
1. Woke up at 12noon.
2. Shower cooks Maggie me wash clothes till 1pm.
3. Online till 3pm.
4. Went back to sleep till 430pm
5. Online till 5pm.
6. Went back to sleep again till 7pm.
7. Cook eat till 8.8.
8. Online till 11pm.
10. Went to bed @ 11pm.

Practically sleeping and online. Not even a thought of eating.

The whole family totally ignore me.
This will go on for quite a short period.
It isn’t the first time that this is happening but ..

I am not the child that will know how to make you guys happy.
I don’t know how to give what you guys wants.
I am dying for the freedom to hang out.
I don’t want to be like a bird always being cage up.
I don’t think I am in the wrong.
I didn’t smoke didn’t steal.
I just got myself abit drunk.

All I need was jus more air to breathe.
What am I do to exchange for what I want?

=thanks for standing with me all the times. =
=you taught me what was right and what went wrong with me. thanks=
= i know who to look for when i m troubled. i know who are there always there to lend me your ears. thanks=
Thanks for building the trust.

Tears no longer flow out of me.
It has long dried up.

Trust myself, move on.
Prove to myself that I am not a useless person in this world.
I want to gain what other cannot.

26th Sept 2006.

Training was good last night.
Push myself to my limits.
I made it 30 laps in 33 mins.
Wonderful right? Unexpected.
Did i finish all 30 laps? Alternatively, short of some laps still.
I am not sure, I jus kept swimming.

My shoulder are dropping off...
Going from bad to worse.

29th Sept 2006.

Congrats, to the BM group. Passed!
*Salute to all my seniors.*
Pool lifeguard is on the way!!
I was so happy for them. I screamed when I saw the results slip before they do.
Great job.
In a month time, it is my turn. How will it turn out to be?
I need to push myself. I will do it no matter how. i must.!
Then i go for bronze cross, follow by open water and more.
Wahahahz..So excited. i better work hard n get them all..

Jia you Jiayou...!
Push your limits to the max.

It was mum who save me from the ‘locked doors’ during late at night. She gives up her sleep to make sure that dad doesn’t lock the doors back; ended up unwell.
It was dad who dun let me in.
I should have listened to them.
I kept hanging outside, getting myself drunk.
All my friends could only come out at night what can I do? Do I have other choice?
I made a promise to myself I hope I can do it.
I am just like a Cinderella.
Before 12mn each day, I must reach home. I try not to anger my parents.
Freedom will come by one day isn’t it?

I must control myself. CONTROL!!!

My left hand has totally turned useless. I can’t even carry those slightly heavy stuff.
2 more days to TTSH.

It finally pay day. Just enough for the scan. Just nice.
Broke~

I told him about what happen.
Will our distance drift further?
Erm. I don’t want people to put me together with other guys.
Just don’t like.
Girl and guy together cannot be friends ma? Must be in relationship? What nonsense is this?

2nd of October 2006

She said I have improved. *Surprised*
I no longer tear when they mention about him in front of me.
I no longer tear when I talk about him.
I no longer tear when I pass by those places that we used to hang out.
I no longer tear when I saw his picture; our pictures...
I no longer tear because my tears have long to be dry up.
I have given up. I meant what I said.
I am now fresh looking forward to a new relationship and Treasure.
I am ready to accept a new relationship and start all over again.
No promise I put in all my effort like the last one but I try hard.

~~~Stop adding salt to my wound.~~~
After what I have said, you don’t even understand how I feel.

I am damn free during weekend.
Haiz. Other then training I got nothing else on.
My leg are hurting me after the 5km run yesterday at ECP.
How am I going to run standard chartered?
I am going to train myself hard.

Thanks to K, he drove us around to look at apartments. Very kind of him.
First, we went to his cousin apartment.
The pool is half indoor and half outdoor. NICE!!!! Can even do diving in there.
The apartment is 4 times bigger then 3room flat.
To me, its consider every big. Extremely Big.
The apartment was somehow like my ideal apartment. It was so cool.
Each room has different design, including toilet in each room.
The master room, the kid’s room, the study room and guest room are so special.
Everything is like what I always wan for my future home. Simple yet every nice.
Even the maid room is so Nice.!
They have been to almost every part of countries, so lucky.
If my husband can give me a life like this can fly here, n there for holiday wouldn’t that be great? I believe this is every one-dream la uh so nothing special.

~~Same human being but different “Ming”~~

Showered before we make a move.
Muhahahaz...The bathtub is so nice!

Thanks for letting us view every part of the apartments. =)
The plasma big screen TV that was like half my height, e hi fi system…etc.
Most important is that both partner agree to the design of the apartment, there is no conflict.

We headed to view bigger apartments; I was like “WOW”….
My eye nearly down out. *Kua Zhang.
Heard from K that their pay per day is like $2000; which mean per wk they earn $10000 a month they earn $40000 plus commissions, air ticket to other countries and more.

It has been so long since someone motivated with me these stuff and words.
What he said made some sense to me.
Nodded! Agree!

I am going to work hard save up enough for those stuff.
It is not too late.
I will start with the small one and then gradually improve.
Can do it.(~.~)”

He whispers to my ear asking me if he was my bf.
I said no.
He said okay I was just asking.
He continued: “find someone who loves you more then you love him. You will know what I mean after you get married.”
I was somewhat stunned. Why suddenly tell me this?
Hahaz he is more experience in married that why he said this.
Whatever.

3rd of October 2006

The CT scan part was nice, no pain. Wahahaz~
The stupid thing was that I tear when I heard that two jab is needed before the scan.
Tears immediately rolled down my cheek.
This is how useless I am.
I was all alone at the hospital. Every time after a blood test or any jab I will feel kind of dizzy and will black out. I knew myself too well.
Moreover the jab one is to be on my hand the finger part and the chest.
The aunties in fornt of me was like screaming their ass out saying that its bloody pain and their body feels very warm after the jab.
I told the nurse that I didn’t want to take.
I was stupid enough I didn’t ask what will the jab do? What is the jab for..blah blah
I didn’t ask. I was so scared that my mind went blank.
Stupid stupid me.
The overall scan took me like 1-1/2 hours.
I am now waiting for the results to be out. The stupid nurse schedule like 2-week later cant it be earlier?

I still have MRI scan to go; two-doctor appointments more before the final decision are being made.

4th of October 2006
Coach WL called me last night. Was talking about my performance.
I am going to ask another coach to coach me one on one coaching.
I haven’t been improving. My speed isn’t there at all. Haiz yo.
Hate to be the last always.
He lecture me saying that I should not ask for another coach. Jus train on my own. Haiz.
After telling him what I feel and what problem I am facing he still don’t understand what I am trying to say. Haiz.
Whatever it is don’t give up continue training, YH.

Training without him, is so boring, so quiet.
He used to be always there to encourage me. Make fun of me.
He will push my head to the walls n ask me to swim.
He will pull me up the pool.
He don’t mind being my swimming buddy and drink lot of water.
Argh!! Pig Head!!!!
Why why ?? why don’t you come for training?
I need you I need your encouragement.
Haiz..why do everything changes?

The coach jus suck. Fark off~
U don’t even know the things well yet you except us to do it?
You cant even do it yet you want us to do it? asshole!
Bloody idiot the sight of you make me want to vomit.
don’t think everyone on ya side. Even that the case I will still dislike you and go against you. Fark off.
don’t think you are the coach I must listen to u .
if you want me to RESPECT you as the coach then RESPECT me as a student.
THANK YOU.

~~I hate to grow up. I hate when things changes. Why do those people who boarded my bus gave me so many wonderful memories but yet so short?
I don’t want this. ~~

5th of October 2006

Watch “World Trade Centre” yesterday.
Worth watching. I will rate it 8.5 out of 10.
It based on true story.
Here the story line:-

Only 20 people were rescued alive from the World Trade Center after the collapse of the buildings. Officer Jimeno (Michael Peña) and Sgt. McLoughlin (Nicolas Cage) were the 18th and 19th. Academy Award®-winning director Oliver Stone tells the true story of the heroic survival and rescue of two Port Authority policemen – John McLoughlin and Will Jimeno – who were trapped in the rubble of the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, after they went in to help people escape.

If you guys are bored or wanna watch a movie, watch this.
It is so pathetic. So many innocent people died.
A short part of the movie is stupid, ,erm “funny”.
Through this movie, treasure the people around you, because you never know when the last day. U might not see him the next minutes.

Daiso is open at PS now! Its so cool. I brought myself one container to place my facial. stuff and one for sister art stuff; a orange container that come with an orange toothbrush and toothpaste. Cool right?
Brought two small containers to place my facial stuff when I go out. (more convenience). Wahahaz~ can visit when you free. It was too late else I will continue to shop.

It been so long since I buy something for myself. I have been saving for food ,operation /doctor/scanning fee, medical fee. Sometime I guess I have to let go and “dote” on myself.
I guess it still alright…=]

Recently I been feeling very weak. I could hardly bring myself to do anything, not even to walk. The active me in office has turn into a worm. I will just sit at my table rather then jumping running around. I hardly has the strength too.
But still I push myself to do this n that walk around go down town.
If you people happen to see me faint around any area save me k., try wake me up but don’t send me to hospital, please.

6th of October 2006

Training tonight god please bless that the coach is not who that is in my mind.
Chaim~~

Tomorrow be a busy day I guess. After work Gonna rush to sembangwan for appointment then go help Andy paint his house.
Wahahhaz. I am going to charge him $5 per hour for painting..very cheap le okay.

Anyway Sunday be running at ECP. Training for my marathon thing. Will I be able to do it? I will push myself to my limits. Although I am slow but I will stll end up in the ending point.

Other then that I guess I am going shopping, anyone want to join me?
I have to buy a pair of shoes for my 21st birthday. Argh!!! Help!!
I am going to buy a track shorts and a sleeveless top for running.
May I buy all these this weekend don’t want to end up empty handed like last week.

Next week will start purchasing those utensils for chalet. Any muscular guys wanna help??wahhahaz~~~

I wanan go eat chocolate buffet!!
I wanna go eat vegetarian buffet!!
Any interested party??

2006-10-03T23:10:00.000+08:00

i was all alone at the hospital yesterday .waiting for the scan.
two jab was needed..on the hand n chest.
i was lucky to escape?
or not?

tear rolled i was so scare. how i wish someone was beside me.
mum dad was working sis was schooling..
i was brave isnt it?

report be out soon.. haiz..

gg to bed..ll blog again...=)

...preparation for chalet goonna start son...

2006-10-01T01:09:00.000+08:00

its 1.02am now..
suppose to slp and prepare for training tml.
wht am i doing here?

haiz. mixed feeling.
i always wish for a egetarian bf. now that it appear yet..
haiz.
thanks guys for ya company today..thanks.
they said i improved. i no longer tear when i talk abt him. hahaz..
everything is gone,ended. i should let go..

im damn super free. anyone has parttime to intro?
so free that i dunno wat to do.

feeling so lost ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sianz..blog again tml..

i been sick for 3 week le..when will i recover...

2006-09-30T15:04:00.000+08:00

knowing that i will anger myself n get hurt i stil went to read their blog.
this time round, i read two of them blog.
i am not going to apologise for what i have say.
say what you guys want. i dont bother.
since im this kind of gal in your eye then let it be.
i dun care dont bother..go ahead....

do i really dun bother, then why m i so angry watever?..

im sick very sick.
hand huyrting me..im goign out shopping.....
slack slack let mi enjoy!!1

2006-09-24T16:23:00.000+08:00

vexed up.

i wanna go to e beach n SHOUT OUT LOUD!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~

feeling so lost and helpless.

i feel like crying.but knowing that crying wouldnt solve my problems.i htink i having a emotional breakdown.

he discrimated me.
ytd i made the effort to go fuotang yet i gt discrimated again.
discrimated by other pple discrimated by own family.
every you guys have to do this to me?
do i derserve it?

my heart was longer there.you were right by saying that.
it has long lost. it jus that you didnt notice it. it not im lazy but if you force me more the more i dun wan to go.
dont try to conclude me by what you think.you are totally wrong.

went dbl O last night.the place is small but drink are bloddly cheap.
went with a empty stomach that made my head spin like crazy.
Drinking is bad
drinking make ya urine sink.
drinking make you shit dman shitty..
but sitll i cant stop myself from, drinking.
jus wannas immune myself.

i cant find my directions in life.
e next route in life is unseeable.
i dun expect much.sometime all i was its just purely laughters, emotional support.

nothing else.......

gone

2006-09-22T23:51:00.000+08:00

finally my appointment was here..
went to the doctor ytd.
haha they doctor was sooooo handsome..muhahahz..
the doctor din really attract me much it was the crumpler bag of him which was place right in front of mi attracts me more.
although the bag is not orange but still very nice la..
muahhaaz..crazzy me.

two big doctor examin my shoulder my enttrie hand.
haiz. the thing that annoy me was that they kept laughing non stop when they could hear the weird sound from my shoulder.
n the way it moves..
haha but afterall quite sm time they stop la..but the smile is still on their face lo..
bleah=p
spend quite some time explaining to me what the problem is...
all the diffcult words came in....
it left mi with quite a few question marks hahahz..
but still concluse that it quite serious la hahhaz..

now i have to wait for 2 scan n then op.
haiz..
op could be anytime im nt sure too..neither do the doctor.
haiz. scare? i dunno.
should be nothign de right...nothing to be afraid of...
but still abit scare la..hahahz..

the whole thing going to cost mi abomb..

my hand is kind of useless now.. i cant swim properly..my performance is liek shit..
i cant really use my left side of hand.
useless..
being discrimated by pple...is enough..
i dun wan to discrimated myself also...
---

surprise tat yc n sm mit mi after swimming today...
surpise by ending up with sadnes..s...
we passed by the train station where we used to go...he always brought mi there...
he bring mi there to enjoy the trian the prata..
we pass by the road where he live.
we pass by the busstop where he ll send mi home..
we pass by the tall building..where he held my hand and walk through the entrie road..
you made alot of promise to me..but ended up with upsetness...
thanks ah.

it been a week since u flew to Usa is it better there??
are you tking care of yaself??
haiz..you left mi too many wonderful mermories..
it hurt to think of it..yet ic ant stop thinking..

haiz..

so happen that i drop by someone blog...
so happen....
it was link to my fren blog..
thanks thanks..for those words..
thanks..
all these end here..Full stop..
nt worth a fren...
contriditing words..
not worth to be a friend.
dont think you know mi well...dont tink you understand me...you r wrong you know nothing about me....

2006-09-19T22:01:00.000+08:00

no words from him..
i seen him left jus like this.
through the custom..the door and into the airport...

he din tell me anytin..nothing..
i guess this should be the way.
everything finally come to a end...
let go is what i should do..but did i? am i able to?

i tot i let go..but ..
thanks to those fren who kept rubbing in...
you know i m already very hurt very upset yet u kept rubbing me..thanks...apprecaiteD!!!

2 more days to TTSH...what ll the doctor say??
im all alone...afraid yet wan to get this treated soon...
haiz...

2006-09-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

the trip from ECP to town....

we got the same slippers..

2006-09-16T23:17:00.000+08:00

jus came back from town.
went kbox.. he wasnt there.
he knew i was coming that why he left.

we din have our last words.
we din see it other for the last time..
sadnesss filled me..

i turn crazy when i left there..
tryin to be happy when im not..he is boring the plane in 3 hours time..should i go to the airport n be at one concer to see him leave?

no msg form him..
no last words from him...hurt..im hurt..

let mi calm myself dwn..

2006-09-16T23:14:00.000+08:00

Blog on 19-09-2006
babysit on sat.visited aunt on sat.
darkness fillder her eyes
. she couldnt do anytin but to just lie on bed. 9 needles was being poked on her hand.
all the stupid doctor. jus a needle u need to poke like 4,5 time to get the nerves. not ya hand doenst matter right?
can you think of the patient pain and the brusies caused afterwhich?
she is the cloest aunt that i share my happniess and sadness with.
she will teach me what is life and how to deal with all kind of pple.telling me how impt it is to handle pple. somehow im stupid, i cant master it yet.
although she cant see anyting but still she kept a very happy mood. nothing could bother her at all. even if the sky drop she treat it as a blanket and cover herself. (from chinese). always keeping herself happy and no worry no stress. i m learning..trying veyr hard to learn. to deal with all kind of pple. to deal with my temper and mood.i am trying to be neutral. be like other. changin...can be done..yea can be done..i will...
health is indeed very important.imagine darkness fills ya eye u cant c anytin..in ya world everything is in darkness. feeling so lost..
for those out there, please takecare of ya self. and stop saying stupid things like nevermind la..wouldnt happen because you never know. when it happen everything is far too late. so tkcare before anytin happen.
10more days to TTSH...

21-9-2006
i envy her so much. seeing how her friends and dear gave her the birthday surprisesS during dinner at a hotel.seeing how happy she was; her friends and boyfriend put in much effort to surprise her.every year they never failed to celebrate for her, giving her all kind of surprisesS.their friendship is so well build...how i wish i can friends like this...how i wish every year i could like her so blessed.
too bad im nt born like her. im not well liked by so many pple; not as pretty not as rich..
this year, i didnt celebrate yc birthday for him. im so sorry. on his birthday, i was out doing road cycling...from ECP to kallang-city hall-bugis-orchard-concourse-suntec and then all the way back. i was so proud of myself. i was safe back hahaz. one time doing road cycling so it was quite a "BIG" things for me...i was too tired..too tired to ask the rest out too tired of their rejection. so might as well dont come out. its the thought that matter i guess. it always take two hands to clap; i get so tired when i keep putting in so much effort..im sorry! not that i din want to celebrate for u but.....haiz...i always want my fren to have a memorable birthday but this year everything turn wrong..i think im the one who have turn Worng. someting wrong with me. no mood to do anytin. even a birthday card i can tk week to do compare to the past i took like 2, 3 hours to finish it.everyday trianing sswim swim swim..hse work hse work computer online....slp slp...wore out totally wore out.. why am i doing this? to prove i m strong? to prove i m fit? or to fill myself with busyniess and nt think about the rest of stuff.
been sick for a week. my eye hurts. Mr cough came and look for me. bring his sister Flu. brother Fever, grandmother sore thorat to visit me. my whole body aching.worse of all is that they made me so sleepy. i hardly can open my eye and concentrate on my work. haiz~
told some friends about my chalet. some said they have camp. some say they havign exam..some say....some say....some say..haiz. im prepared for the worst. WORSt....
why no earth cant i have some true friends like other do??
----
thrice or five time a week i will passed by the MRt. i could see the image of me and him holding our hand happily walking. in the past, everywkend we will pass by that mrt and go for breakfast. he will fetch me from mrt to his house.did i let go??i guess not really. the feeling came flowing back to me.. i hate you Feeling.. why why. he is leaving in another 6 days. he been going USA for 2 years. 2 years...2 years he been away. we wouldnt be able to keep in touch. the sms i send him he wouldnt be able to read it. 'i wouldnt be able to meet him when i call him up. he couldnt be able to guide me when i am lost around his area. this is a good thing? did all this happen to let me let go? can soomeone tell mi what to do ..i no longer tear coz i guess it has dry up but my heart hurts. really hurts..
can i have a boy pleasE? to dote on me?i been very blessed i guess. in the past every ex of mine dote on me lotsa. they drive me to whereever i want to go. they give me whatever i want. being with them i have nothing to fear. they takecare of my every single details. but haiz. can i have a boy back and have the happy feeling again? i hate to be alone.
---
i miss school. i miss NP.i miss my lecturer. i miss bubble tea. i miss the laughter we had at Midac... i miss those times when SM scold me on how stubborn am i .. when YC help me rush my project, enocurage me.when they put mi n WX together when WL try to cheer me up. when A laugh on the time i wear skirt. ...so many things..nowdays we are like stranger. we seldom keep in touch. no longer like before. the distance is dirfting further and further. i hate this but i have to accept this fact.
Come'on yuehui you have to grow up and accept things that is around you. you cant except thing to be always like that..NONO#@!^&*%...but why other pple can stay on like this for soooo many years. why not me?nvm. thats my life..accept it..
gonna end here. hahaz.~ once i blog i will talk no stop. once i dont blog i will dont blog for a few donkey days. l0lz..=)Weird.....
-compilation results in such a long blog-

2006-09-16T23:12:00.000+08:00

Blog on 5-09-2006
How long was that..anyway it being uploading down..

I m blessed. Sometime I think I am sometime not.
Why do I say so?
I have friends out there helping me to plan for my chalet. I was shocked when they show me their list. They have already plan out the food, the logistics, the budgets, the vehicle, each other tasks and jobs to bring this and that.
I could sense that they use a lot of time to plan; okay even a kid can see. They put in so much effort and time to plan. They didn’t allow me into the planning; guess there be lot of surprises for me. Ha-ha!
My jobs now are to design the invitation card and send out the notice for the chalet. Other then that Erm….as for the cake design I am having a bad headache. Sister designs don’t seem to work out. I have to try do something before September ends. Have to consider about the time that when we send the design to the bakery its will take time for the bakery to decide if they want to help come out with this cake.
Haiz. Troublesome.

Ohya another problem, who is going to make up for me?
Who is going to help mi tie my hair?
For who knows me, will know that I don’t really have girl friends.
My poly girl friends are either in army else in university, during that period they are having exams.
Other then poly girlfriends, I have no other le.
In the family I am the only girl other then my sister, my cousin all guys.
My mother and aunt don’t make up.
Haiz..how? how? Who can help me?
Worse of all I don’t have a make up kit at all.
Can someone help me to think of a solution?

I haven’t seen him for a week.
No message from him. Nothing.
I miss you.
Is everything alright?

I happen to drop by his blog yesterday after so long.
It was a random click.
Relationship is something you cant forced.
If you choose to give in, then you got to give in willing am I right?
Of course I understand that if you always give in you will feel extreme tired.
Some girls might be moved/touched by the other partner action, of course via versa.
There no 100% that everything u gives in you gets something in return.
Am I right?
When you think you tired then stop doing that.
If you think we could no longer be friends because of this, I don’t blame you.
Go ahead and do what you think is right.

2006-09-13T23:31:00.000+08:00

Counting down 9 more days to TTSH..

4 more days..he be leaving.....

2006-09-08T23:13:00.000+08:00

EVERYONE MESSAGING ME TEY CANT COME FOR MY CHALET WHICH IS 2 MONTH LATER...

IM DISAPPOINTED...VERY DISAPPOINTED...

WHO KNOW IT ALL CANCEL AT THE VERY LAST MIN....

IM UPSET LEAVE ME ALONE...

THANKS FRIENDS...THANKS....

2006-08-31T21:32:00.000+08:00

Havent been blogging for quite some time, sorry guy but I doubt anyone drop by my blog.
I been staying up late at company because there simply too many work to finish. By the time I am home, wash my clothes tidy up my room its already 9 to 10 plus. Online for a moment and there I go, on my bed, sleeping like a pig. Too tired for anything else, even to coach my sister on her studies.
Tired. Very tired but still without fail I will still hang out on weekend. =)

His dad pass away last week. A very young dad, but some time it like you rather let him go first then let him stay and suffer all the pain.
No offence because different people has different mindset. Well, the smile is still on his face. Deep down he is upset isn’t it? I don’t know.
I want to give him a hug can I?
Ever since last Thursday no sms from him till yesterday night, when I finally receive a sms from him when I was in the train. I was surprised of course, was grinning all the way to the pool. Wahahaz~
Crazy me.

Went over to shelter him over to the pool because this lazy pig didn’t bring umbrella. Stoopid him. He insisted he want to wait but I insist to shelter him because he has just recover from all the tiredness if he get under the rain confirm will fall sick.

I have fallen for him is it? but he said he wouldn’t like me. So we be pool buddy. =p

Yesterday was a kind of up and down day.

Up day because I design my own company product label design, I printed them out and pack them nicely and there it goes into the toolbox. Who ever order this toolbox will see my design inside. Wahahahaz. I was over the moon when I finished everything yesterday evening. You could see me smiling non-stop. Although no one will know that its me who does it but there is a sense of satisfaction in myself.
But some idiot make me scold them, my blood boils on the sight of them.

The other day I broke down, sometime these people don’t use their brain. Their brain are simply grown on the butt. If you will to witness these you wouldn’t believe that these two man who is like 50 plus years old still will do this kind of thing. So stupid. Idiot!! Arh!
I complain everything out to mummy; luckily, she can still understand my stand. Haiz.
I wouldn’t let you guy be so arrogant.
I will improve myself and take over everything.
I will prove to my dad I can do it. I will prove to you guys I am not that weak. I wouldn’t let you guy bully me. Stupid old manss..you suck up.
These two old man are always here to spoilt my day. Too much work also complain, little yet simple job also complain. Might as well stay at home shake leg wait for cheque to drop down.
Brain on the butt.

Down day happen in the evening part when I went for training. The sudden change of mood was like so immediate. Just like a rocket shooting up the sky. I push myself to the maximum during the 3 events but my timing sucks. It was far too away from the ideal timing that I always have. I am totally disappointed in myself, dishearten. I been training. Stamina speed. Stamina speed.
He was here to comfort me again after training. He sms me a lot., telling me to keep on trying. I can swim a lot that training on stamina not speed, I need to stay focus, focus on my stroke. FOCUS!!!
I always try to look on the brighten side and move on, this time round his words didn’t move me, I no longer motivate myself, no energy to go on. I am tired. If you see me swim, I think you will vomit.
Haiz~ serve me right. that’s why I miss this coming test, I wonder how long more then I can go for test. I want be a lifeguard. I want become a instructor. How long more to my dreams? At my this speed, I think I take a thousand years.

Demoralizing myself. Sound stupid but I can’t help it.

This weekend I am going to the IT fair, get my NANO fixed and Earpiece changed and fanical wash my appointment is due.
Not forgetting to visit my aunt at hospital and look after the two naughty kids.
ARGH!! I guess everything be like hell.

21 more days to my appointment. I am scare.
Will my treatment cost me a bomb?
Will my money be enough for it?
Will I need to go for op?
What will they say? What will they do?
I guess I just have to wait for the day to come and stop guessing.
Bless me.

2006-08-27T00:06:00.000+08:00

no mood to blog..
tear rolled once again..
why mus u guy see through me..
why dun u guy jus get me drunk....
why not..
im tired...

i promise i blog tml..

2006-08-24T22:15:00.000+08:00

i feel so lousy n0w..
can anyone cheer me up?
im not going for "BM" test. why?
dun ask me..

im tired..so tired to move on..
im too lazy ...im in a lousy mood.

i kept havign bad dream abt my dream. i dreamt that noone came..
haiz better dun think so much...
~~ off to slp~~

2006-08-21T22:38:00.000+08:00

Manners

Where are the manners where our teachers used to teach us?
I remember when we were young everyone or I would say adults always teach us to be polite to smile to others and stuff.
But what about now; when we have all grown up?
Where has manners gone to?
Have we forgotten all them?
Sometime I wonder do manners still exist in this world>?
When you are in the train, people who step onto your feet doesn’t turn and say sorry to you instead they stare at you, as if it was your fault to stand there and stamp ya feet there.
Especially those lady with heels, you all suck up.
You can see clearly that there is totally no manners in them.
I suppose business people carry better manners?

When the train is, so squeeze-ly people just push their way in just because they want to catch this train, they don’t want to wait for the next train. They push like nobody business without thinking if people will fall down or whatever.

One word to describe man, Selfish. They only think of themselves.
They are damn selfish whatever that benefit them they be there no matter what.
Jus like if there is free gift, they don’t mind queuing there for like 4 5 hours.
This sound crazy but its true.

Other example is when we are in school. Those clever ones are always keeping notes for themselves. When the poorer ones in studies approach them, they would reject them away, saying they don’t know how to do and whatever when actually they do know every single thing.
The clever one will look down on the poorer ones, they will only mixed with the clever one.
They are selfish …. Always selfish… someone just feel like killing all these people away.
Kick their ass off.

Just like some friends, when they need you need your company, you try to give in ya best to help them to be there for them but then when u need their help, they are like lost in some alien world.

Recently I heard that transport fee is increasing, just like drastic increase of cab fee. How I wish I can have my bike and cycle to work cycle to everywhere. Argh!

2006-08-21T22:37:00.000+08:00

MY 21ST BIRTHDAY CHALET is ON!
It is BOOKED!!!

I am here to announce my chalet is on 17th (Friday), 18th (Saturday) and 19th (Sunday) on November 2006!

Sunday is the check out day, so don’t bother.

The party will start on Friday afternoon (mainly decoration) Friday night we play game
Ha-ha. =)
Then Saturday night (the BBQ and buffet…blah blah ...) till Sunday morning.

My ideal chalet is not in front of the pool anymore due to some error and mistake but its just a few steps away from my chalet so it is all right.
No worries it’s the same, not much differences. =)
Contradicting ME.

Every one of you is invited! Ha-ha Booking you people 3 months in advance should not be a problem right? I will keep you people updated again.

Planning will start now but I am lazy muhahahaz.
Anyone interested to help?

My wish list id out...wahahaha~
I want

A digital SLR
A bike….I mean a bike cycle hahahaz with full suspension
My own room
My own computer
My car license
Crumpler Orange Bag

Wahhaha my expensive wish list. I bet I have to wait long long for it...hahaz.
No doubt, I am going to work damn hard for it.

Hahaz..all of the above I will work hard.
Here are the thing I wish for..
Can I have 21 tops and bottom? This sound crazy
Can I have a adidas jacket?
Can I have a watch?
Can I have levis jeans?
Can I have spa voucher?

Haha my wish list is getting more Out and Out..

Haha I just hope everyone come and have fun. Let the fun and laughter fills the air..

2 month and 27 days more to go. Its kind of long is some sense, but in a blink of eye it will be here. I better start planning, prepare invitation cards and planning of food and stuff. well, everything seem easy …erm I guess the hard part is on the way to look for me.

Ohya, tonight I am going to meet ED for a swim. Sound cool lei. I haven’t been meeting him for like 5 years, eversince we broke up. We been keeping in touch throught sms and msn but yet to meet up..
Wonder how does he look like now. More fit? More silm?
Hahahz.

Yeah tonight we going SWIM …swim …Swim..=p

2006-08-15T21:12:00.000+08:00

“She don’t need to buy herself, she just have to wait for people to buy for her”
This sentence hurt me. It really hurt me.

Were you trying to pity me?
Were you trying to say I wait for other to spend money on me?

A simple sentence like this hurt me. It hurt me although I din really show it.
I am not this kind of person.
I am not this kind of girl.
I never have this thought.
I will buy the things I like but it just the matter of time.
I am poor. My pay is so low I have limits. Family expenses….enough to take always half of my pay.
I am looking for another job don’t you think I don’t want to buy those things that I like?

I want to own those stuff too.
I believe it’s just a matter of time I get it.
If I cant get it then never mind. I will just envy the things.
There no compulsory that I must get it.
Haiz.

Was the Nano a gift that you trying to show pity on me?
I should not have accept.
I should not have accept this birthday gift… right?

Haiz…
How I wish I can just spend money on the things I like without thinking..
How I wish I can just eat like nobody business.
How I wish I can just hang out with friends at café neeedtheless to worry about the expenses…

Haiz.
I have to stop buying things and go out lesser else, my next month hospital bills going to kill me moreover I still have my course fee to pay and my debts…

blogged on monday

2006-08-13T23:09:00.000+08:00

tat particular sentence hurt me...hurt me alot...

2006-08-12T22:22:00.000+08:00

terrible..
first i got a cut on my left toe the last one..the whole flesh came out.
second i fall off the bike i sprain my ankle then my left toes the third one the whole flesh came off..from the front to the side of my flesh jus came off...it was bleeding like shit. it been a week n it has yet to recover.
thirdly i wrote my nes "school" shoes. i got blaster all over my back of my both feets.
both was bleeding liek shit also. my socks was like stink with blood..i cant evern walk properly..
fourtly, i trip and fall today in the ooffice, another toes injured. this time round the right last toe.
i guess everything balance off now.
it bleeding like shit too..

i guess i wouldnt wear slippers anymore. i have to wear shoes more.

i need more rest..i need more sleep..haiz

2006-08-10T22:14:00.000+08:00

give my love 歌词
Give My Love (English Version)When I look in your eyes I can see that youWant to be with me but you’re so scaredAnd I don’t know what to say or doBut the tears keep falling from your eyesAnd I know thatTimes won’t change my loveAnd I can’t do nothing to keep youOh, I’ll give my love oh when I hold you tightGive my love through kisses oh so brightAnd you know that I can’t change my loveTake my love all through the night…As the hours pass awayYou think that love ain’t here to stayFeel a beat from your chestBut you don’t give doubt a moment’s restYou dream the future and all you see is darkListen to your heart, baby, the truth will set sparksNow I’ll give my love oh when I hold you tightGive my love through kisses oh so brightAnd you know that I can’t change my loveTake my love all through the nightNow I’ll give my love oh when I hold you tightGive my love through kisses oh so brightAnd you know that time won’t change my loveTake my love all through the nightI’ll give my love oh when I hold you tightGive my love, through kisses oh so brightAnd you know that I can’t change my loveTake my love all through the nightNow I’ll give my love oh when I hold you tightGive my love through kisses oh so brightAnd you know that I can’t change my loveTake my love all through the night===============================================Our Love Will Always Last (English Version)As we walk this landSide by side, hand in handI know that some clouds may passBut if we hold on tightAnd love with all our mightThen the thorns in our life will never lastAnd the roads may sometimes be unpavedYou may think that our love can not be savedThough the world out thereMay be cold to all we shareI have you, to take me through the nightAnd if we hold on tightAnd stay true to all that’s rightThen baby, our love will always last…See the sunrise in the skyKiss the sunset as we lieAt night, I’ll never leave your sideBut I know somedayI’ll be gone, and you’ll be grayOh, darling, wish that I could heal your pain…Though the world out thereMay be cold to all we shareI have you, to take me through the nightAnd if we hold on tightAnd stay true to all that’s rightThen baby, our love will always last…And if we hold on tight, stay true to all that’s rightThen baby, our love will always last

2006-08-04T23:50:00.000+08:00

It simply mE..

2006-08-04T23:40:00.000+08:00

blog @ 3.20....

好忙好忙…忙到没时间吃饭…
忙到stomach don’t feel any hungry at all.
These few days lunchtime was like 3pm 4pm. By that, time the gastric juice in my stomach has already filled up to my throat.
Wahahahaz…

Extreme busy …x 100
Busy but Extremely happy…
Believe it?
Ha-ha you guys must be thinking I am crazy.
No one in my stand so no one can feel how I feel.
WahahahaZ~

[I think im talking in some alien language that no one can understand.]

Weekend is here Again!
Today is Friday...Yeah!
Can’t wait for training tonight.
猪头be working so I don’t get to see him tonight.. Haiz.
He was so quiet throughout the entire (last) training.
See-ing him so quiet I turn quiet too.
Why so? I don’t know too.
Pray hard that his throat is still okay.
I want to see the noisy him. I want to see him encourage me throughout the training. =)

Should I or should I not date him out for a movie tml?
I have nothing on this weekend.
XxboredxX..

Haiz. Actually was planning to go BBQ with ZZ. The timing he was going was just nice. I off work at around 3pm go home shower and I can make my way to meet him.
But never mind.. I was upset when he said, “since it’s my fren’s BBQ doesn’t concern you at all.” Thanks ah. I was trying to put his sis in the first place. Who would want to bring me such a ugly girl there...I was trying to meant…..nvm…forget it don’t want to explain my stand. I don’t think I need to say anything. Nvm..

No big deal. Why am I hurt and upset over such small matters?
I shouldn’t get bother.
Haiz donno la.

Haven’t been sleeping well these few nights.
I kept having dreams. I just couldn’t get proper sleep.
There is this guy who appearing in my dreams. He was there to accompany me when I was alone, fetch me after work. We have many funs together but I don’t seem to see his face. Everything is so blur. Was it the same guy, I wonder.
The only thing I known was that he never let go off my hand.
Who is this particular guy?
XxWondering.xX

Days is drawing nearer.
Can I don’t go to the doctor?
They kept telling me that things aren’t that good.
What will happen?
What will they do?
I hate taking medicine. I keep forgetting to take my medication.
I am afraid of needle poking into me.
Haiz..~It isn’t that scary isn’t it so. Once in a blue moon, go hospital also not bad de. Treat is as having a rest in a hotel...
I am crazy.

Can anyone accompany me to the appointment?
Haiz. Mummy working sister studying, dad for sure working (he never have time for us), I be alone going again. I hate it…Haiz.
Maybe there handsome doctor there and pretty doctor to see . Haiz..
(Comfort myself..hahaz)

没事没事的…我会没事…
天气很好..
空气很好..
我很好..
我会很快乐…
对吗..

2006-08-04T23:39:00.000+08:00

I am addicted to this song.. I have been playing it the whole day.
Yes, just listening to this song.
我会好好过 by 李玖哲

你的爱很像泡沫
太轻或太重
都不在手中
我的爱就像天空
太放或太收
你都只是风
你来过却爱上自由
你出走我不问理由
我会好好过
等你再爱我
总有个角落
会让你想起我
我会好好过
等你再爱我
向右或向左
都有我站在这里守候
你留下很多
够我面对寂寞
寂寞不重
重是爱太多
当你回头
看到的一定是我….

我会好好过, 我会好好的look after myself will you come back to me?

Yesterday Sunday, I was at ECP the whole day – Lifeguard hut.
Reach about 8.15am early right. Those guys were still sleeping so bad of me to reach so early and wake them up. Wahahahaz. This time round the first time I wanted to do was to cycle. While waiting for those guys to wash up and head for breakfast I lent AH bike and off I went cycle all the way to the end of ECP. This time round the feeling in me isn’t there anymore. I no longer link things and him together. Is it a good thing? It shows that I have let go uh.
I don’t know what the hell happen to me. For the whole day, I just wanted to cycle although I have to help with the painting.

We had great chat at the lifeguard hut. Food drinks that filled our stomach. The two brothers were here to have fun with us too. Coach was here to help too. Everyone have fun I guess. The room was tidy up much neater; the grasses were being cut, the gate was being paint halfway; the toilet is being clean up. More or less, we manage to get some stuff done.

We brought fruits Maggie mee egg and other tibits and drinks there. I guess the next time round when I go down I will clean up the cupboard make it look nicer.
We will have the chair and table scrubs as well; guess it will look nicer.

After all the fun laughter and work, the pain was here….
The pain took myself away…
Tears rolled I wish I can control.
Some said I didn’t take care of myself but I already didn’t exert any force on it.
No one understand, the only thing they know and will say is I never take care of myself when I did.

Haiz…
If I have taken more care he wouldn’t have leave me….
If my headache didn’t happen I wouldn’t be admitted to hospital, if I didn’t get admitted your parent wouldn’t say anything, you would have left me.
If I don’t have gastric problem, you wouldn’t have need to bring me to doctor, your parents wouldn’t have said I am weak, you wouldn’t have left me..

Well everything over. I should let it go.
You said you got a girlfriend, I shall give you my blessing.
I should be a healthier girl so that guy will like me no need to worry.
But why some have their boyfriends to stand by them where as I don’t..
Haiz…
Shall not say anymore. It just hurts.

Starting from today I am going to control my expenses to the max. One month with $400 of expenses, only can I survive?

I have too; I will have to learn; I need to.
Don’t think I can lend bike from ECP that often anymore…

Mummy was discussing about the Mt Ophir trip that I am heading to last night. From her words, I know she is worried but I make it a point that since I have this chance to why not. If I miss the chance how long more should I wait.
I am going and by any means, I am going to head to the summit.
I am excited about this trip… very excited.
At the same time, she reminded me about my chalet. I have to start planning once Lin sister confirm the chalet with me this 15 August.
The planning will have to start…
Sister has already start preparing my present. Wahahhahaz. I am so excited to know what present she giving me. =)

May everything goes well.
May all my friends come.
May my parents come and enjoy themselves.
May it be a fun enjoyable memorable chalet.

Everyone so excited; I get my friends to help hope they are willing to.
If I have a boyfriend to celebrate this day with me isn’t that be great?
I am dreaming again.

Mummy said many things to me last night. Things that make me think a lot. I will take her words and make sure I do it.
I am grown up. I should plan for everything. My expenses are growing.
I am interdependent. I pay for all my expenses; I have to take care of sister other needs and studies needs. I no longer rely on my parents.
I have to manage things more properly.
Can I do it? **Thinking….
I will have to do it…
I have to do it…
Yes, I wouldn’t give myself any choice, just a fixed decision.

I am going to get my window clean up.
I am going to clean up my study table.
I am going to all my clothes iron.
Yes I am going to get all these things done by today.

Blogged on Monday...last day of JUNe..

2006-08-02T23:36:00.000+08:00

2006-08-02T23:34:00.000+08:00

A sunday trip to ECP..

2006-08-01T21:54:00.000+08:00

眼睛好痛…
眼泪在也流不下来了..干了…
不想在这样下去…
谢谢你的那些话 …让我的心破碎

**Wanted to type this whole blog in Chinese but I am far too bad in my pinyin..
I guess Chinese is better to express what situation I am in. well never minds. =)

Thanks for those words that made me ended up in tears.
Thanks for breaking my heart into billions and million of pieces.

When you start telling me all those stuff, I knew your intention wasn’t to ask me out to have a meal or shop.
You first sentence hurt me, nevertheless to say, the rest of sentence hurt me more.
It ended up that my heart was tearing..
I thought I was okay until you went on….
I chose to walk away because我想你要说的话也should be there le. I get what you want to say…
I didn’t want to hear you say anymore.
I didn’t want to break into tear in front of you..
I am so silly…
Once I step out of Suntec tear rolled again. I broke into tears as I stood in the middle of the road. Pathetic me.
My mind was in a blank I wish ZZ have stopped me from meeting him.
I wish there is someone shoulder there for me to rest on.
At that point of time...erm I don’t Know how to say my feeling too. Didn’t know what to do...Totally lost...

ANNOUNING THAT MY HEART IS DEAD….VERY DEAD.

Called up AH and A see if both them want to have a meal at marine. Luckily they were okay with it and they was like kind of nearby.
Dry up my tear and went to meet them.

After 3 days of empty stomach, I finally had my dinner ---> Chicken chop with both guys.
Walked around before I headed home. I didn’t want to follow them to suntec again partly my shoulder was hurting la.

Brought myself two top, a present for ZY, a bag and some necklance
….yesh necklance that goes with my clothes hahaz....
Ai Mei de wo~

Will post up pics soon~
I am alright after a sleep.
I filled my room with lavender armory.
I got lots more meaningful things to do.
I no longer have the hope in me.
Everything dashed.
My heart has been broken and shattered into many piece. Who will piece them up again?

Every sat I will be instructor for the tree climbing whereas Sunday I be at ECP lifeguard hut for the rest of life? No not life..erm which words should I use?
This will be for weekends. Until I found a bf? Hahahaz. We see to it.

I will remain the cheerful happy me. No worries friends.
Stand by me okay?
Be there for me can ma?
Anything I be always here. A call or sms away. =)

Early in the morning in office, I got a cut on my small toes and wrist.. it is bleeding like hell. No med no wash no plaster. It is bleeding profusely.
So many blood..Whoo~~ any vampire wants my blood?
Ouch ouch!! It hurts lei..
No more sandal or heels at works.. I need shoes SHOES !!!
blogged on

2006-07-24T23:15:00.000+08:00

2006-07-20T19:42:00.000+08:00

I couldn’t get my sleep on the bus these few days just because of this aunt.
She talked so loudly on her conversations through the phone that you could hear it at any comer of the bus.
So happen that she sit beside me yesterday, I was so damn “lucky”.
I was so fed up that I on my nano and turn it to the max volume but still I could hear her talking so loudly.
She was talking in some language which I could roughly understand.
She kept saying, “ you see got this kind of people that why like that lo…”
She kept repeat this sentence.
I was like wanting to tell her because got you this kind of people many people cant catch their sleep on the bus. Stupid right!!! Argh!!!
Thanks, ah aunty thanks to you I can’t be able to catch my extra sleep on the bus. Appreciated.

I am going shopping.
I want to purchase a new bag new clothing (simply top n tube), skirt.

There is this cute lifeguard at the pool. He look so young but then his age is old.
Erm you got a nice smile…=)

the last chalet i attended was so c0ol...21 pcs of top and bottom was hide all over the chalet..the birthday boy was busy looking around for his present hahahaz...

we spend alot of money fo all those k..apprecaite ah

hahahaz..

can i have that too..

*dreaming...ingore me..

2006-07-20T19:40:00.000+08:00

我真没用…
眼泪掉了又掉…

I kept myself busy, working non-stop, until I totally drench myself out.
I am dead tired.
Sweep the floor, mop the floor, do the account prepare cheque (which I hate most of all) clean the window and door panel….wash the whole family clothes, arrange everything in office… I find all means to keep myself busy so not to think of anything.
Am I avoiding?
The mins I ended work yesterday, while I walk to the mrt station tear rolled again, as I was in the mrt on the way to training, I cant stop crying. I wish there was something for me to do to distract me away.

I couldn’t help thinking. Everywhere I go to there is memories around. I seem to see that he is around but when I go near everything gone. Is this illusion?

Surprise that he called me yesterday to ask me out Haiz too bad I was having my lifeguard training else… I told myself that no way I could skip lesson so I give it a pass. Deep down being very upset, but what to do.
I am trying hard to let it go.
I hold myself back.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Training was good yesterday my timing improve until 3.03mins.
From 3.50 to 3.40 to 3.03 next I am going to aim beyond that timing. I will do it. I can do it. I will have to train extra hard.

I want my six-pack. I want to be a fit girl…
I want be to be pretty!

2006-07-18T21:32:00.000+08:00

My eyes are like goldfish now. From a look everyone know how long I have cried.
I am a cry baby isn’t it?
In 2 month time he be leaving to US for 2 years. Yes 2 years, it is indeed very long.
I couldn’t believe what he had said.
I did say him stay but everything was too late since the decision is final.

He chose to leave because he said he could learn more things over there.
I made a silly request he din accept. He said he need time to think but by the time I think he is really to leave.

2 months , I guess he has a lot of thing to settle before he leave. His parent put stress on him. I don’t want to add on his stress.
What should I do?
I cant let it go.
I cant make him stay.
Can someone guide me tell me what to do.
He said he don’t want to hurt me more.
Cant you just leave 2 month of memories for me before you leave?
I know it will hurt me more but..i chose to why not let me.

I am being selfish thinking all for myself and not in your shoes.
I thank you for telling me that we leaving at least u didn’t leave quietly like the period of time you went Indonesia.

You wish me a advance happy birthday but I guess I don’t need it. how I wish you can come for my chalet but I know it impossible now.
Is everything going to carry on?
I am not sure myself.
I am confess. Confuses. Lost. Mixed feeling.

Haiz.
S told me to remain a good friends to him. Let him decide on what he want to do and stuff. ya it easy to say so. Of course thing. Thanks for all your words but I don’t need them.

Despite being so upset, their words keep appearing on my mind. It jus haunting me in my brain. On and off I could hear them telling me repeat those words.

Go away from me…

Got lecture by dad and mum last night. Shut the computer and went to hide under my blanket. Kept crying till I fall asleep.
Tired very tired..
I want to get myself drunk smoke like no body businesses can anyone accompany me?

I got to move on… no matter what. Noone here to show concern show care to me.
I don’t know how to entertain people.
I don’t want to be a clown anymore.
I don’t want to smile and laugh when it doesn’t come out form my heart. It tiring.

I shall quiet down.
Don’t talk, do more and more more then dad wouldn’t lecture me anymore.
I don’t irritate those stupid people, you guys leave me alone too.
I appreciate…

Why is my blog always so unhappy?
Whenever I read other blog they are always happy enjoying. Why cant I be like them? Why?
Why?

=Will someone else step into my life or will I still be waiting for him after 2 years?=

2006-07-17T21:51:00.000+08:00

慢慢得安静下来。。以前得我不在了.

he leaving in 2 month time.
dad just scolded me. mum scolded me too.
im damn depressed.
can someone cheer me up..

i can change myself in a day time.
i no longer be the chatty me..i ll quiet down.
less words from me..i try to smile like no body busniess but no laughign around..

no friends at my side..noone will understand how i feel.
a change in me will begood.

2006-07-17T20:16:00.000+08:00

My thumb drive dies on me this morning.
Announce died at the timing of 9.13am.
It did not even give a warning.
I lost my entire documentssssssssss in it. The planning of my chalet documents, the company document worse or all that was the only copy I have in my thumb drive.
Haiz. I guess I have to redo everything.
But I am too lazy too.
I spend a lot of time and effort to plan everything out….
Now this is what I get…I lost them all I have to redo every single thing.
We see to it then…

The IC in my thumb drive blown and cant be repair.
This means that there is no way I can revive my documents.
Shit!
Shit!
Shit!
WTH!!
Argh…

My day started with this suck up thing.
Gonna be a bad day for me I guess.
Bad Monday…

How can it dies on me at this point of time when I needed it most?
I has been with me for years.

ASS. Let not curse anymore else my day be worse.
-----------------

I am having red puffy and black eye-ring around my eye I guess I have not been having enough rest.
I spend the whole weekend playing non-stop, I had few hours of sleep. Guess I am crazy.

Sat
--> went to jansen chalet. Didn’t know that he got so many cute nieces and nephew. Got to know his new girlfriend, a very pretty lady. Best of all, was I get to see Botak and Ray.
It been years since I saw them. Erm not much changes in them, had a short chat before I went to gelyang.
Finally I went to eat dao hua you tiao. Hahaz. Too bad I didn’t have my camera. Else, I would have taken lot of pictures.
Next time I guess. Lolz.
Accompany QY to purchase durians. Everything was cool. Usually on the bus I would just pass by and take a glance but this time round I could get so near with those fruits. Hahaz. It so nice. Muhahahaz.

I should organize a fruits session some time. wahahaahahaz.
Gelyang so cool **beside those things la..** uh-huh
We can actually see quite a number of interesting stuff. Nice pictures can be capture there too.

Sunday
Woke up at 7am. Drag myself out of the bed to have a cold shower but ended up lazing on bed. I was damn fucking tired , but since it Sunday I don’t want to waste my time spending, there I go .. Got change pack my bag and head down to ECP.
Usually we will like cycle together on the same route but this time round its kind of different. We were kind of split off.
I tried to enjoy. Laughing smiling enjoying but soon my friend “Tear” came and look for me.
I cycled to both end of ECP myself. Speed all the way, nearly had a bad fall.
But okay la, got myself a few scratch a few bruises on my hips that’s all.

Tear rolled as I cycle.
Very useless and hopeless.

I passed by the playground where he used to carry me up the monkey bar.
I passed by the other playground where he used to train his pull up. I would sit there quietly and count for him;
I passed by the tennis court where we used to stand outside and watch people play tennis.
I passed by the park where we used to take a rest there.
I passed by the bedok jetty where we used to take plently of pictures together.
I passed by the rock where he used to tell me how much he like me.
I passed by the carpark where we used to park our car.
I passed by the bike shop where we used to rent out bike.
I passed by….
I passed by…
I cant forget all these each time I go to ECP.
Can someone knock me off and erase everything from my mind? I will greatly appreciate it.

Haiz. it no longer there no longer. It all my imagination in my mind. Everything now is all bubbles once poke and it will disappear.
Cant I just stop dreaming..

I should fcuking get myself a boyfriend.
I want to fall in love again.
I want people to love me again..
Am I allow to?
Haiz.
Its hard I am trying.
I tried to open my door but each time I guess what other sees is a locked close door.

Didn’t really want to join them for lunch because there nothing much I could talk.
I hate to entertain people so might as well don’t go don’t spoilt their mood chatting with each other. They enjoy can le.
Calm myself down settle down my xin qing and went to lifeguard hut. Help with all the cleaning.
A very very old place, dirty. The outer of the hut is insect house.argh!! There is this lizard that came onto my leg..Argh!
It was overall fun, especially the part where I get the hose and spray water all over ha-ha… I guess I am bringing more trouble rather then helping Wahahaha.
Best of all is you get to see how clean it is after cleaning. The sense of satisfied is there.
=)

Shoulder was hurting me badly but still I didn’t stop. Since I chose to do then finished it lo. Next week we are going to paint the hut!! Haha I guess it gonna be fun..=)

We going to turn it to a happening place. A place where people can find this lifeguard hut a nice comfortable and approachable place.=) am I dreaming? But I guess can be done de…anyone interested to help out?
Come and join the fun!!!

By the time we finished was like 6 plus.
Hungry and tired.
Ohya because I didn’t eat my lunch. All I had the whole day was water and more water.

Ohya we went canoeing. It was kind of fun because haven’t canoe for like a year le. Remembered the last time canoe to ubin I was crying all the way.
I am just afraid of open water. Useless me.
Afraid scared but still want to do.. Hopeless right? Lolz.
Canoe for a while because we still have to help out with the cleaning.
The washing part can be quite tedious. The canoe very heavy lei.

Being with the sun beach sand is sooooo nice!
We shall canoe more…in the coming week!

Took a new picture only because I was busy cleaning. All of us was wet so noone actually took any pictures.

Tidy up my room my study table cupboard online rot went to bed at 11 plus. Terrible. I had 6 hours of sleep and here I am working. My poor red puffy eye. My eye ring is getting darker and darker. My shoulder pain is getting worse and worse.

Going home jog and then sleep..
I need plenty of hour to sleep. Spare me from other stuff.

There is IT fair this 31st august I think I am going to get myself a DSLR.
Ha-ha but I have my chalet need money also whoa we see to it then. =)l

Calling out there, “Anyone want to help out at my chalet?”

Looking forward to this thur rock climbing..=]

Enjoy the pictures…

2006-07-16T22:06:00.000+08:00

my shoulder is fuckign hurting me...
suck up....it so pain..

im tired of being a clown...
mayb i shoudl get myself attached...haiz...

2006-07-11T22:09:00.000+08:00

tired....
been the earliest to go to work..
be the lastest to get out of office..
tons of work ...
haiz..

will blog more tml...
im tired..
mouth infection getting worse..
i cant relaly open my mouth..it hurts..argh!!!

who is you who kept apperaing in my dreams??

2006-07-10T21:18:00.000+08:00

sorry guys i havent been blogging.

alot of things happen that pull mi down so deeply.
haiz i couldnt make myself stand up at all.
laughing liek no body busniess...tlaking no stop like no body busniess
but deep down me......haiz..

i ask for a patch he rejected me..
he said he dun wan to hurt me again..
what all these rubbish??
watever..

im so patheic ..i have no friends..
i wanna go out ..
i wanna find group of frenz to go out with but where are they??
all i fac is rejection here n there..
im tired..

i wanna go out shopping.......

im nt in the mood to blog....
work stacking up on me..
im sick ..
nothing goes well..
im patheic...
leave me alome..

2006-06-19T23:39:00.000+08:00

I blogged so much during my office hour, saved in my thumb drive but when I am home I am so lazy to take out my thumb drive and load them.
Accumulating until I cannot tolerate, that why I am blogging them all out now.

Lifesaver
I have been trying to train hard and improved on my swimming.
My timing is just sucking up. I have been trying to improve on my timing by swimming more.

Part time work
Erm not very good although it quite an easy job. This month pay is extremely low just because it’s June and they cut our pay until $4.50. I will have to eat shit I guess.
I am currently looking for a new part time job so that I can “jump boat” (in chi).

Friends
Went sentosa with JY F AH and WX. Although it just the few of us but we had a great time playing volleyball with some kids who joined us in the game. They were kind of young around the age of 16 to 18..WHoo~ we met up at 830am and leave there around 2pm to have lunch at paste mania. Everything was great but its just that some thing I observe that made me so pissed off. Whatever it is, it is none of my business.

I rushed home, changes and quickly rushed to work. I have no time to even slack awhile.
Erm it so great to have some sun in the morning, maybe we should have more.

** I don’t know why I dislike him so much. The way he talk and everything made me so dislike him.
I pity you the action you did is so disgraceful.
Even you are a Qing kuo Dao Qing you don’t have to do so. It so not nice.
==WO hao tan bu qi Ni! ==
Suck up whatever it is dun wan to say too much.
I should not have voice anything out in the first place.
Should not have said anything should have kept it to myself. Suck up.
Shut my mouth, do not ask for other people comment and no one will say anything.

Full time work
Everything going okay. I am trying to get mean to get him out of this. Learnt my lesson as it goes. Sometime if this way cant work then we will have to think of other tricky way to treat that particular problem.
One more month and he will have nothing left. Tolerate a while more.

Graduation
Everything ended. 3 years of poly life. There so much things that I went through, thick and thin with my gang of friends and more. I miss those late nights that I spend in school doing my projects and studying for exam. I miss the library bubble tea. I miss studying. Argh! There so mnch things that I want to say. Really too much...

** The memories are far too many. Nevertheless, if you individual ling chose to move on maintain our relationship in between us, I believe we will create more wonderful memories. There be more to come as time goes. All these take two hands to clap.

Some are going army. Some in university. They will make new friends; have new friendship, so what about the old us? Will they still remember us? Will our friendship continue? Who knows?
Time will prove everything…

So much of words. Let enjoy some pictures being taken…

**carving for ice cream and chocolate.**

GRad Pics..lazy to load them coz t00ooo slow...

2006-06-19T23:38:00.000+08:00

2006-06-19T22:12:00.000+08:00

9th June 2006
**blogged on Friday

So fed up.
I guess someday I might just die of heart attack.
The phone rang. Mummy called.
She called at the ring time ma. I just need someone to talk to.
However…I promise myself not to tell mummy any more secret because she betray me so many times. I distrust her. Still I went back to her. She is my mother. My only mother. Ended up I told her what happen what going on. I cannot help it.
I have been crying for a few days le. My eye is as sore as a goldfish. My head is hurting me. My heart is pounding faster and faster.
I am dying soon...

Feel better when I talk things out.
I told her what I think. She tried to sort out things. She tries to explain things to me.
Every time she tells me the same things. I am so tired mummy. You gave me empty promise repeatedly, ended me with disappointed and hurt. Each time you promise me that thing would be better would not go on like this but still…

I told myself not to trust you anymore... Nevertheless, ended up telling all these stuff again.
This time round, I told mummy that if by the end of this year things were still the same, I would take my leave.
Giving myself also giving other a chance this time round.
I will leave find my own world.

I am going to work like hell. Going to earn lot of money.
I am going back as usual take up as many work as I can.
Have to save more and meet my target. I am nearly there...
I am going to make it there...

My life. Training…working...
Training working...
Training working...
I am marry to training...
Marry to work...
Have to earn a lot

Saw a bike accident yesterday. The victim was just in front of me where I could totally view him. He was unconscious.
I hate this feeling. I hate bike. I hate bike accident, which took away my friends life.
I hate it... I hate it...

I used to love bike.
The feeling on the bike is so cool.
Contradicting feeling.
I cannot decline that I don’t love bike now.
However, when memories hit me. It so pain!

Been rather down. Uncle Ng trying to cheer me up.

Out of the sudden, he shouted, “hey the new staff is only 44 year old yet to get married. You have chance lei.”

I was like stunned. Lolz... Too old le la. I old uncle ha-ha...
He then replied, “why not you go post ya pics on the newspaper and see who wants you la.”

Ha-ha funny uncle. He was telling me about his kids. So naughty and stuff. l0lz. Sometime it blessed to have a family and own kids.

Wahahahaz.

Gonna get back to work. I wouldn’t let that idiot fellow “siao zhang”.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fifth of June 2006
**blogged on Monday

My weekend flew away...

Therefore, c0ol to meet most of my poly mate in MOS.
Felt great to meet them this time round because most that din turn out in out usual outing turn up.
Happy to see them although sometime hate it when they promise to be there at the outing yet they did not. Whatever…
Club the whole night from 11 till morning.

Not much alcohol taken. We walked from Clarke quay slowly to esplanade and then to Singapore river where the merlion is. Took pictures as we go. I was somewhat drunk therefore; the picture that has me in it sucks...

I know it is somehow the last time we going to meet up because most going university le. The guys are going Ns. No way could we meet up. I appreciate them for turning up on Saturday at least somehow the last meet we will have.

Argh dunno la. If they could put in a bit more effort, we could meet up more often but…
Treasure what ever it given and don’t complain...

When I was drunk (not drunk, just somewhat high) all the problem suddenly came flooding my mind. Hate this feeling it just like the problem are hunting you killing you in your mind. Whereas in the other hand as time goes you dance you drink more, you get so immune, the entire problem seems to go away. I guess some drinker will understand how I feel. The problem was being taken away for the whole night.

Went home at around 6am. Slept throughout the whole morning until three and then went to work. Work greatly sucks with that stupid manger around. She is so fussy. No one likes her. Argh! I am going to tolerate because there are all these kind of people everywhere around the Singapore. I have to learn how to survive with them around.

Didn’t really think about the problem that is happening in office till I woke up this morning finding myself going back office to work.
The problem…problems...sss…Haiz...
No matter what I have to find ways to solve them. Told mummy about it I hope she does help me to solve this problem. At this time of time I have no better option then tell mummy the fact and ask for her help le.

I am hopeless…

I am tired. My eyes are so heavy. 2 more hr to go and I can go ah ma house le…
Go ah ma house take dumpling!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

6th june 2006 **blogged on Tuesday

“Why go cut your hair away?” The first reaction when J saw me.
“Ugly ah?”
“N0 la just that prefer the hairstyle you used to have.”

Lolz. There was once older batch of someone told me if you broke up from a relationship and is very upset about it try go cut your hair and everything will go away as time goes. You will feel much better.
I tried it when I broke up with my ex, Erm how does it feel?
I felt much better just like starting all over again. it is the mentally or the physically I don’t know too. Can try it out and you know.

This time round it isn’t about relationship just that too many things on me. Want to cut away all the unhappiness and carry on. Hoping better things come to me. =)
Just treat it that I am going for a new hairstyle l0. I didn’t cut a lot also just the front hair..
Not very nice but fresh look .ha-ha I am trying to comfort myself.

The rain is here to wash away the unhappiness today. However, came at the wrong timing. We have tons of goods to delivery, better stop so we can get our stock dry to the destination, being done once and for all.

**the train journey seems so long without you by my side...**

Going to go for a run today build up my stamina else tomorrow I be the last again. Don’t want to drag all the people down. I because of me they have to wait for me to return do sit up push up. It so unfair. Haiz. But I already put in my effort .Haiz…ARGH...

** should I give up? Or carry on? My effort seems going down the drain. I don’t seem to have any improvement. H0w? **

Next week is the graduation ceremony; have yet to buy my formal wear. Guess I am going to shop at G2000. one of these days Any one has any discount card, lend me for a day or two please.

I am falling asleep…… Tired!!

Thanks to A and JY thanks guys you guy never failed to bring laughter to my life.
Thanks lotsa. Enjoyed going out with you guys.

7th june 2006 **blogged on Wednesday

I am so bored.
There is no work.
I am falling asleep.
Argh! How I wish I could sleep.
Those things that they are doing I can’t do because I am not into learning that.
I think my work is more to those admin and oversea stock stuff.

Tired. Extremely tired. Why am I so tired?
I slept very early last night le. 1130pm early by half an hour then usual days but still Haiz.

I used to go to bed at 9am whenever I am schooling. Good girl right? Mu-ha-ha-ha.

Sometime I am tired but I dun wan to sleep I just want to rot in front of the computer and stay there. Stupid right?
Funny right?
However at times I am so tired that I will just fall asleep on the computer table.
Some people will say if tired go to bed and sleep l0 isn’t it? I didn’t. I rather spend sometime on my own or with the computer.

Strange mentality neither do I know how to explain.

A few familiar people came to office today. They filled my days, felt so happy seeing them. Whenever they come they will like greet me ask me how am I doing and then we will like chat along the way. Thanks guys..

Free ice dessert muhahahaz.. Ate 2 at once.
My stomach is unwell since last night but then I am still eating junk food.
I am going to stop myself from eating chocolate, biscuits and those heaty oily foods.
Yes from now on…

** I miss you. Message you yet there is no reply at all.haiz. **
Can we like get back together?
Here I am dreaming again.
It all over…. Everything is like a bubble being poked into the air.
Stop dreaming on there nothing possible now.
Argh!
I feel like going for a holiday now. Anywhere even Malaysia just wants to get out of Singapore and have some other air from other countries.

8th June 2006**blogged on thurday.

No more prata.
No more people fetching me after my training.
No more people to go clubbing with.
No more..no more..~~

YC is enlisted to Ns.
He wouldn’t be able to fetch me after my training.
We wouldn’t be having prata session during late nights.
We wouldn’t be able to go clubbing at Clarke quay.
There will not be someone who will just call and ask :
“ Wei want go out now ma. Let go chill out go for coffee..”
“Wei let go swim together go play basketball..”
…………..
Haiz..

As If he is going somewhere far..well he is just enlisting to NS argh!!!
Very fast he be out..
BMT for 3 weeks POP le then being post out to other camp le.
If it 8 to 5pm work then we be able to come out again..
Yesh all be soon over…
I been always a younger sister to him.
Although not a real sister but he treat me like his own sister.
He helps me to the maximum.
Never complain on how much he help me. .
He is always there.
Never be calculative with me. We are like very easy with money or whatever de.
Accompany go chiong, go drink go everywhere. He will just drive me there without asking any single thing.

Ever since the first day I know him we been quite closed ba..

L0lz..why am I saying all these? As if he is going not coming back anymore..Wahahahaz..

Stooooopid mE.

Just want to say Thanks to him. Greatly appreciate the things he done for me.
I treasure the friendship a lot.
Not much friends can do these stuff. not much friends willing to spend the time and effort too.

those who know what this sentence means will know what I meant.

No worrries YC. Very fast be over. You be going uni oversea..become a master student..chao yue wo.
Come out we go club go chiong till crazy!!!
Go in train hard get rid of ya tummy hahaz Let me have a chance to see you in fit fit figure. tkcaRE wor!!! =)

** a friend who is always here to0**

2006-06-07T23:55:00.000+08:00

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2006-06-01T23:05:00.000+08:00

bad day at work.came hm stil get scolding...
haiz..
totally suck up..
im down on my luck..so stay away from me..

tired dun wan to blog..

2006-06-01T23:03:00.000+08:00

Raining. Its raining…
C0ld I am freezing cold. .

Been crying the whole day at work ytd.
Cant wait the day to be over so that I can go for training.
Yesterday was a extremely bad worse day.
Imagine this girl who is always smiling around trying to act strong and brave broke down totally crying all the way.. funny?
Tons of work flooded me. I was totally in a mess. Made a few mistake used ended up casing my dad in problem. Haiz I am totally sucked up. Sometime I wish I can help more yet end up I bring troubles.

Haiz went to bed and tries to forget everything trying to make today a better one.
Ohya thanks to A for listening to me. Thanks boy!! Appreciated. Who else would have listen to me all the way for like 45 minutes and don’t talk back. Instead he been encouraging me calm me down. Thanks thanks that was what I need at that point of time. =)

Today isn’t that bad . going to be 3pm can time pass faster?
Not going to train today because my body is aching like hell.
If the rain stops maybe go around walk walk ..nt sure.. l0lz.

Why cant people just be more considerate?
Why cant people just take care of the work given to them finished it nicely??

IDIOT….IDIOT.. making me so angry you are very happy right.
ARGH!!!
Cant wait him to get out of this office.

Why some people just cant mean what they say?
Why ,must they always make you happy but ended up with disappointment?
Why must people always try to make you happy with promise and ended up with nothing?? Empty promise??

I learnt I learnt not to trust what other say. They are always lying. They don’t mean what they say then what for they say . shit ass!!

Whatever.. I move on.

“ah hui ah” when are you going to get a bf.. ,; one of the staff in my company asked.
I was like “ermm…ermm… noone wants me lei..”
Haha surprised. He was telling me that he 4 year old kid is also looking for a boyfriend.
Muhahahaz. Those young kids are so young l0..haha cute..

It been so long since I am attached. S0metime I thought of going back to a relationship ..wahhahah..l
Don’t think so much..
Gonna get back to work ..
Will update you guys about this wkend..
Gonna go MOS chiong overnight!!!

Wahahhahahahahahz….

** who holds the key to my heart?**

signing off..2pm..

2006-05-30T23:14:00.000+08:00

BAD moood..
bad day at Work..
Suck up day..

if noone has stopped me you would have a punch throw on ya face..
thanks for all the shit....

ARGH!!!

2006-05-29T23:04:00.000+08:00

2006-05-29T22:45:00.000+08:00

Been blogging in office but then always forget to blog them.
You see the problem is that I blog using my lappy in office then I have to save it into my thumb drive then go home copy from my thumb drive then blog it up again. So troublesome. Muhahahaz I am just so lazy.
As for the blog that I have type and save in lappy it has been accumulating, I am going to dump them away don’t bother to blog them.

Lifesaver 1 2 3 ended. Finally ended. Guess what… I made it through. I have passed the test. Great isn’t it but this is just the beginner I have more to come. Not going to slack I am training up for coming up another lifesaver test. I have to buck up and study. Work hard!! I will make it through wahhahahz.

Sat went lot of places. Thanks to A and Jy Company. Had lot of fun being with them. We eat and drink all the way. Being with them was kind of no need to worry thing. We will eat drink go wherever, they would not mind or complain, they go and enjoy on their way. They are not money calculative too. They are like want to go lo want to eat then eat lo. Ha-ha. Thanks guys been so long since I went out and had lot of fun and laughter.
I was laughing until my jaws was dropping off.

Sun morning went cycling with ZZ n A at ECP. The cycle was great. I admit that I am still a bad cyclist after learning and practicing for 2 years. I am so w-o-l-s. They two were like so expert in cycling. Well until I can really cycle well then maybe I can join them for night cycling ma else, I be a burden then anything else.
The extreme heavy rain got us all wet. However, still thanks to A for lo-banging us to mrt and fuotang. Thanks ah.

Had my hair cut ha-ha. I din really cut my entire hair but only my fringe. I cut it short until my eyebrow. Jus want to change although abit is better then noting.

I found the answer during the cycling trip.
The answer to my question.
The answer about him.
The answer why I push him always.
The answer, which reflects on me why I did, all those stuff.
The answer just came so naturally.

There are more answer to be found.
Some answer that could make you understand certain stuff.
Certain stuff that you always wanted to know why, to solve the problem... and to enlighten ones.

L says she is going to buy an adidas watch for mi this Nov birthday ha-ha. Maybe I should buy it myself ha-ha. I am not sure. I am so hungry yet no money on my wallet le. Din want to take any money from dad so I just have to wait until lunchtime then have my lunch.

Can I have 21 tops for my birthday?
Can I have 21 bottoms for my birthday?
Can I have 36 sunflowers on my birthday?
Can I have tons of sports wear?
Can I have a set of track pants and jacket from adidas?
Can I have a crumple bag?
Can I have few more jersey?
Can I have…?
Can I have...?

True that All these are just temporary stuff to fulfill the temptation of a person.. but still we need it for some reason..wahahaha what am I talking. Ha-ha.
Can I have a happy family?
Can I have more money?
Can I make my friends happy?
Can I not make myself so tired?
Can I not hold so many jobs?
Can I turn back time?
Can I make my learning ability faster so I can help dad more?
Haiz.

2006-05-23T21:53:00.000+08:00

Time to blog..!

Lot of people has been telling me how great their trip to oversea was; what they did during their oversea trip; the places they visited; the places they had great food; great spa and stuff. Telling me, they enjoyed so much…

Stop telling me I am not interested. Yes I am jealous every one of you can go for oversea trip as for me I never have a chance to go overseas trip. Even my family, so far those oversea trips that they went they din even bring me along. Repeatedly I am being left alone; staying at ah ma house.

I hate this kind of feeling. Yes I know you guys have great experience I want to listen, and wonder how dream is it. Nevertheless, I hate the feeling inside me.
I am being contradicting I know. Suck up!
Stop asking me along for oversea trip with you people. You guys know that I cant go for oversea trip my parents don’t allow me to go yet you guys kept telling me how great how great is it. stop it would you guys? You people are blessed with freedom and money I am not so stop asking me; telling me.

I wish I could go for holiday with friends. Go enjoy go walk around and see how other countries is like…go experience the life other people is going through. Go purchase some unique stuff ………………………………………..
Experience what you guys have enjoyed…experience everything myself ……………………………………………………………….

Freak!

Can someone feel the way I am feeling..

Whatever…

Friday is approaching... my exam is dawning nearer and nearer. There plenty of butterflies in my stomach, I am so scared frighten. What will happen? Will the examiner shoot me scream at me when I do not know how to answer?

I have been having night mare about my chalet and exam. Haiz. suck up..really suck up..
Can the sky drop dwn $1000 for me to shop shop shop buy new clothes buy a bag buy makeup…buy buy….

I’m dreaming..AaaaaRrrrrrrrGggggggggggHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……………..

Should I go or should I not.
I always has the mind set to go once its like a one time thing should be happy that I grad from that school le. All my hard work that I have put in has pay off.
but now
Most likely not going for graduation. Damn freak out when I saw it.
Couldn’t believe what other told me until I saw it myself.
It so unfair. Nothing is fair in this world.
Why can’t some good thing happen to me?
Freak ass. Stupooooid…

If you say then do it..

Whatever.
Doesn’t matter.

Too late to do anyting.
Nothing can be change too.

Not going to accept it. Not going to change it.

What else can I do ? remain LL.

2006-05-17T23:49:00.000+08:00

i broke down..tear rolled inside me.
fren pouring cold water over me.
i no longer feel any warm from frenz..
frenz no longer encourage me..
they soo cold towards me..
they dun care dun bother..
if that the case...stay away from me i dun deserve all these..thx..

i going to keep myself away for these few days i guess..tired..
the effort..
the time..
the money..
i was so into it..yet..

shoudler pain is killing me..it so freaking pain..
i gg to slp..hope i dun scream in my dream again..
=(

2006-05-16T22:34:00.000+08:00

i hate menses....

i am having cramp now!!
i hate the feeling.
i cant swim this week..
i cant do any exercise
i just have to lie on my bed as n when i can..
i still hv to work ..stres..aRGH!!!

2006-05-13T14:09:00.000+08:00

the history repeated this time round

i question mum

and she admit

im hurt i tot after the previous incident i could trust her again

i was wrong very big wrong.

i no longer will tell her anything..

no longer..

im upset leave me alone..

the closest family memeber often hurt you the most.the deepest..

2006-05-12T00:36:00.000+08:00

As I stare at the clock, my eye followed the minute, the second hand as it goes, the ticking of each move could be hear clearly. Its 9.18am, the fax machine isn’t moving which shows that there aren’t any works for me.
Most of the paper printed was quotations which aren’t my job.
Yawn! Tiredness is written on my face.

Here I am rotting in the office. I hate this feeling where I look so free, tired yet cant sleep.. Haiz.
Phew! There is this housefly which keeps flying around me. So irritating. There aren’t any food in the office why is there a housefly?? Can someone tell me why? Why?

Argh!! Argh!! I am so bored.
I must love my job.
I must love what I am doing.
I must love everyone in the office including that idiot. He is doing things that irritate me.
The way he does things is so slow, in the sense that at the end people is doing for him instead. Damn tulan. The sight of him makes mi want to kill him. I complain to mummy every single day. He would be staying in this company for long; I guess I just have tolerated awhile more. Yes a while more. I will...

It 4.20pm now. I can’t wait to meet those guys tonight.
Yc has arranged for a dinner and clubbing meet up but i doubt a lot of people will come. Expected. I would hope for much too.
Sometime it takes two hands to clap you get what I mean?
We keep calling people out yet they keep coming up with lame excuses and push us away..Sooner or later we are hurt and tired; we no longer want to do it again. It hurts. Yes it do hurt us. We put in effort yet they don’t.
Someone told me life is like those friends are like that. But I do see some other friends they are very united very “together” very on; maybe fated I don’t have the chance to meet this type of friends. Got to face it. =)

I no longer be bother by those who reject me or don’t bother to turn up.
No point getting upset because life still goes on, the moon and sun still revolve around the world. Nothing will change because of this.
I always thought I am a very active outgoing person but recently I found out that it’s not true. I can be very active at sports and doing stuff. if I were to do a thing I will show my determination and complete it . Just like I told myself if I want to do it I will definitely do a good job.
After I came to work, I guess I have change a lot. I no longer like before talk a lot, smile like nobody business… is this change? There are some stuff I have yet to change.. I need time I am a human too.Lolz.
Point forcing and calling them to go again and again, it so tiring. Without them every single thing still goes on.

Am I growing up ..ha-ha why am I saying all these..

Tomorrow another holiday. Its Vesak day... Muhahahaz I am going to cycle at east-coast park tomorrow and then visit ah ma.. I miss her soooo much I haven’t been visiting her for quite a long time that because I been working all day long 7 days a week. All we do is like check out each other life through msn or phone. =} **muackzz...Love you Ah ma. It mother day this coming week so I guess I will treat mummy and ah ma to some good food. Lolz. Isn’t it great? Lolz... Will take lot of pictures and post it in here. Wait for my pics...=)

Enjoy the holiday friends…

2006-05-10T22:54:00.000+08:00

" he is your boyfriend ah?"
wahahah do we look like couple??

just ended my lifesaver lesson..
tired..trying to catch my breathe in watever way i can. i think i hv to exercise more to build up my stamina.i cant be lazy..hee~~ any kaiki??

time passes real fast.
3 month of lifesaver course. another 2 more lessson im going for exam le..
haiz. dunno if i can make it but still i will put mi my best so not to disappoint myself..

the ring on my shelf...caught my eye while i was trying to tidy my swimming stuff..
was thinking of the times we spend together. dreamt about the days we were toegther..
i guess the rinf that i kept is triggering images of him; throwing memories back to my minds..
i put in all my effort n strength in it but he was the first to give up wat can i say??
sometime im ponding..i believe i can find someone better..wahahaz~

gonna go rest le.tired..very tired.....

2006-05-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

haiz.
send my nano earpiece to the doctor..
i went alone!! yesh alone!!
that means i wun have the chance to listen to my nano for like the whole week.
haiz.~ i will move on ..i will..

T going taiwan for tour.
B brought new cam.
Y going thailand for tour..
everyone going tour tour tour...everyone buying new stuff..yet
im here working working working..end up with no tour nothing suck up i m really suck up.....

tears rolled...again....suck up..gal..hopesless..

2006-05-04T23:05:00.000+08:00

my shoulder pain is back once again.
the whole side of my shoulder went numb.i cant even move my hand..wahahahz.
mummy was trying to save my shoulder. saying that i din watch out of my shoulder.din tk proper care n stuff..well.
worse to worse my whole shoulder will get numb ;cant raise my hand; cant move lay on bed n stuff..well im prepare..l0lz..

came backie home early.i was sooo tired.
tired of the tons of work that was bring throw to me.
im like the left hand of dad. if i dun help him noone gonna help mi..so frenzz please dun ask mi to leave dad company. i got my reason..

i had a gd talk with mummy jus now..
it been so long since i last talk to her.whenever im backie home she be aslp coz she gonna work.by the time i wake up she has gone for work.
haiz.there smtin that i have to learn to understand. thing din that simple as i see..things are complicated but yet i dun stand in dad point of view so i cant understand..chiam! sound so diffcult to understand..nvm i understand can le..
watever it is i try my best and go on..

applied for a off for this sunday job. i guess i nid a day break.the fever n flu in me is still there..i nid to get well soon and go on..

thanks A and the rest for your encouagrment listen to me instead of pulling mi down making mi feel more upset..thanks. been thinking these few days..i think i will take watever jobs as it goes.
thanks for wanting to clear my debts for me..thanks i appreacite all ya help.but then i think i can solve it myself.

i gonna solve the probs as it come ya..im grown up le..gonna learn n tk things as it come..

still thinking if my 21st birthday chalet goes on..
gonna give aunt a ans weeks later.. to confirm the booking and everything..haiz..

gonna stop here..tml then blog more ba..
kept telling myself to blog more yet each time when i blog i didnt know wat to say..haiz..

--
mayb we could give it a try??

2006-05-04T22:59:00.000+08:00

可以看见？
吗

2006-05-03T23:30:00.000+08:00

jus came back from trianing..
thanks J thanks for ya encouragment ..
u r a g0od coach jus tat im a bad student..=)

my shoulder is numb..the pain is back again
guess i gonna go slp soon..
tml gonna swim again..

2006-04-29T00:56:00.000+08:00

im depressed enough..
can you friends stop pouring cold water onto me?
i had enough things on my mind..im so vexed on my stuff..
some stuff i jus dunno hw to say..
i wish you guys can jus be there...quiet be there...let mi calm dwn for a moment mayb??
i m lost every lost..
tear has dry up im tired..

im died in my own world...died..gonan drunk myself up and kill myself..

2006-04-28T23:36:00.000+08:00

i tried my best..but who know??
i cried as i travek hm..who knows??
i study so hard but yet i cant answer..who know??

thanks J for pei-ing mi till tamp..
erm thanks for encouarging me..but im totally dwn this time..
i m a loser..i admit..i been defeat by other pple..

im soo sick..
can anyone pei mi to the beach..let mi cry out ??please??

2006-04-26T00:14:00.000+08:00

suppose to be ytd entry....

This time round im really sick. Very sick very serious sick.
I’m so tired that I think I can sleep continuously for 3 days 2 night.
I feel so weak. My body hurts after the gym session -- yesterday morning.
It hurting me like hell especially my shoulder and chest part. I think I have over train myself.
I’m having flu having sore throat now. No fever. So sick. The feeling is so yuck!!

All I want to do is to lay on my bed and sleep. As the air from the air con blow onto me I’m freezing cold, so nice to sleep but haiz can’t sleep in the office. ARGH!!

I knew him not long ago. When I first knew him, we went here n there meet up go have fun and stuff. Eventually something happens to his family we eventually stop meeting. We didn’t even chat on phone like before. No even in msn maybe it because his com broke down? I am not sure. He does use his sister com to come online but still…..

The distance between us grew wider. The gap is so wide that nothing can make one cross over. When I told him this all he say was he is busy between hospital and work. No friends msg him. Leaving alone is also the same like that. Well as a friend I am always here for him does he know? Does he appreciate? He can come to me talk to me and stuff. Did he? NO. Was it he dun wan to say or? He finds me a kpo person? He didn’t want any more friends?

I try to help as much as I can. I believe those who know me know my personally. But why? I don’t know. I’m just being upset. I hate to see him like this. I still remember when he was hospitalized that particular week, each time I visit him tears rolled continuously. It hurts me so much to see him like this. But anyway it over. I am silly I guess…

Maybe he is trying to not mixed around with girl because of his father doesn’t like it. But then it so unfair right? I don’t know.
Family is the most important thing for him now, not friends. Even friends die also don’t care coz family is the closest thing the most thing that must be treasure tell me am I right?

I hate his attitude towards girls by saying that there no girls in SG that can care n whatever for a guy.Haiz...i hate him…
He made me like and hates him so much at time. Made me feel so lost at time. I try to help but each time what I get it shit. Try to care for him yet he doesn’t even reliease.
Well since he like to spend his life alone then go ahead. I don’t bother don’t care. Here my attitude again…= (

He did tell me he wants to live like a normal teenager. Who don’t? I really want to help him. But end up with these shits I guess there nothing I can do. Just leave him alone in his own world as long as he is comfortable with it then im fine.

……………………………….hai I want to go out play..ARgh!!