2 November 2006
Some things are better not to be known.
Some things are better to be kept as secret.
Some things are best to be keep away from a person.
But..
I choose to know what is it I ask I question people to tell me the truth.
Ending hurting myself. Be so bothered by what it is.
If you are unhappy about me just tell me straight. Don’t talk behind me.
What the problem?
You are the coach you have the right to tell me off because I am the student.
I chose to attend your lesson then you have the right to reprimanded me.
What for be unhappy about me, show unhappy face to me.
Didn’t even bother to talk to me.
I sense there was something wrong. I knew it long ago.
I am not a idiot. I don’t act blur.
I know u dislike me. You unwillingly talk to me.
Come’ on what you want to say, say it IN FRONT of me.
I thought you always tell us not to talk behind people.
What the hell is this?
The laughter we had was so fake….yes SOOOOOOO FAKE>>>
My world is already so depressing and negative why do people keep adding on?
Asshole...~
Tualn.. Very tulan. Damn tulan.
I regret having this chalet I really regret. So many unhappiness.
What ever I do people will talk behind. What the point?
I create the invitation card for their convenience end up guess what people say
“Why so formal”
“Why troubles go make this kind of things you nothing to do ah?”
“it jus a 21st birthday why need invitation not as if you getting married.”
Don’t appreciate, don’t stand in my point of view yet all these shit words ended up on me.
What the hell??
I have tons of things yet to be done.
Shoes not brought yet..
Sm YJ n J present not brought yet.
Appointment not book yet.
Counting down 15 days to chalet….
I am not looking forward to it at all.
Not at all.
~~ Drowning in her own world. ~~
Phantom of opera is here.
My wallet is tight to purchase the tickets.
Heard that the tickets are selling fast.
By the time, I have money I guess it will be sold out.
We shall see how then.
Maybe I will miss it jus like the previous show by kit chan.. what the name ??
What the name?
I cant remember..
No idea..
Nothing cant to my mind..
Erm… I cant recalled.
My life is like this pictures. It so messy.
Sometime it so wonderful filled with many colors.
I am inside
Those white small spaces are so little that I have no air for myself.
Suffocating
Everything is in control.
I am slowly disappearing.
5 November 2006
I have been busy preparing chalet stuff...
Not really busy la because nothing much to be done also.
I am just too lazy. Not excited at all.
I have yet to buy my shoes. Yet to buy stuff to dress up.
Lazy, no motivation at all.
Last weekend I was at town the whole day, practically walking from the starting to end of orchard and then back from end to starting of Orchard. Every single shop I went in to take a look. Went in to take a browse thinking there might be something that can catch my eye but haiz.
End up empty handed.
Brought sis a dress and a toy. She simply love it. hahaz..good.
Thanks to Regina. Thanks gal for accompany me shop the whole day I know it kind of bored because no matter what she recommended me it didn’t suit my taste at all.
No to like I didn’t like it.
I myself was lost too.
Most of the chalet stuff are done seven seven eight eight le. My planners are all doing okay, I guess la because they didn’t want to let me know anything.
Don’t know what are they up to. Sianz.
Boring weekend. This weekend I guess I be busy ba .
I cant swim anymore..
The doctor stop me from swimming.
I cant do sports that uses my shoulder or hand.
Tears kept rolling. I am terribly upset disappointed lost.
Shit feeling!
Can someone bring me to a place where I can scream aloud?
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No one going to stop me I am going to continue …
as for the results I will bear the consequences.
I might not do sports anymore why not do now…
I am not in a good state….
Not good..
Terrible state.
7 November 2006
I was flipping through the calendar just now. ** bored at work, rotting around **
In a blink of eye, 2006 is ending.
The countdown we had seem like yesterday.
The countdown we had at marine, by the Singapore River.
We brought alcohols drink tidbits stood by the side of river n enjoys. Took plenty of pictures.
Everything has ended. The friendship between the few of us changed. We are no longer the same. I doubt next year countdown we be together counting down.
As for this coming countdown, the people I wish to be with are my poly mates. How I wish we could all gather sit down enjoy and celebrate welcome 2007 together. Can?
So what have I done?
What have I achieve?
I indeed miss many things.
What I always did in the past year, this year I didn’t do it.
Practically after school life ends, I was busy with training and work, too lazy to do anything else.
January – attachment life. During this month at Nus, I was busy rushing my report and presentation at the same time clearing my leave. 3 days of holidays let us have so must time to rest. After attachment, we were either in school drinking bubble tea or meeting up friends on Friday night for dinner. I will make the effort to ask them out on Friday night for dinner. Otherwise, I will call up SM to meet up at woodland Causeway MacDonald to slack before heading home.
February – Many people date me out but I didn’t want to go out at all. I just want to be alone. After attachment, I immediately went home to help mummy with housework.
He knew I would not go out therefore he gave me a surprise on that particular night.
Out of nowhere, a deliveryman appears at my doorstep saying that the big bouquet of sunflowers on his arm was for me. It was like 1030pm, and he kept apologizing for being so late. Saying that he has too many delivery tasks to accomplish therefore drag until late hour. I was like so shocked and surprise in my life so far I have never receive any flower before. Mummy and sister kept questioning me where did the flower come from. Question could be seen on my head. I ask around in MSN but no one told me anything. I wrote up big on my msn nick asking, “Who is the one sending flower to my house?”
Everyone was laughing at me saying I have too much suitors le.
Ha-ha. Funny. Anyway thanks him for that.
Nice quiet valentine day I would say. Not too bad though.
Was as usual busy preparing for school and company presentation. Waiting for final panel review can’t wait to be graduate. Meet up yc who came back from Germany and the rest in midac. Talking about our attachment life. So nice to see one another again.
Attachment ended.
Presentation and report ended.
School life ended.
Work started.
March – I started working at Dad Company during this month everything was still okay. Because I get to meet up my peeks after work. We will meet up for buffet, drink at coffee bean and more. During this period I will still wear nice nice to work and look forward to meet up my mates. Wahahaaz. When I was in the office I had nothing much to do, partly because I am not official into this work yet. No, table no computer for me. I practically rot do rubbish work. Follow my driver out to deliver goods. Everything was fun at that point of time because I get to go to shipyard with dad go collect stock deliver stock meet many different people out there.
I just have to follow those drivers in and out. During the journey, I still can catch some sleep. Good life right? ** Story continues as month goes on**
April – everyday I will take bus with daddy to office. Waking up damn early, so tired.
Squeezing in the bus, same timing same driver, and same passenger. I never fail to see them.
I never fail to fall sleep on the bus too. *pig*
At this point of time I knew R. practically I was talking to him on phone when I was working. We chat online on phone and meet up when we can. He will send me home whenever we meet up and then walk home. He was a nice person.
Everything spoilt when the word “childish” came out of my mouth.
Stupid me. I treasure the time we had together. I didn’t think before I do things. *I had a Pig brain I guess.*
He ended up in hospital I try to help him as I can. I wanted to be there for him.
May – This year Vesak Day, I didn’t go to the temple like the past year, to pray and stuff. I was practically at home I think or out shopping. Other then this I cant remembers what I did. I started lifeguard lesson.
June – I was busy shifting office. Nothing much in life. Clubbing drinking working training. Every training yc will fetch me up for roti pata session. He always buys me dinner. I guess I was too poor.
Tried stuffing money into his car or album but failed. This person has good eyesight.
July, August, September - working, training clubbing, hanging at lifeguard hut.
Mostly was at ECP. Cook there eats there; cycle there, cycle to town…
In July, I was official into the company. I got to deal with all kind of important document.
Everything has to go through dad and me. Everything is with me. Many unhappy things happen. Wanted to leave the company I was very down and felt so unfair. I wanted to pursue my dream become a psychologist my uni life... but now why am I here? I was complaining to mummy but still the same. Everything sucks up. However, lucky me few friends stood by me.
Many went NS, but we still try to meet up on weekend. Most of time we failed due to poor response, but it does not make us give up.
University life started therefore those who are in university get busy got to concentrate on their studies therefore time doesn’t other mixed. We had to give and take.
We kept on trying but get tired also la.
I was busy planning for chalet. Busy searching for dress to wear on the particalular day.
Planning who to invite, designing my 21st birthday cake.
October – my hand was hurting me till unbearable. Finally, I went to the doctor for help. They refer me to TTSH. In addition, from this on, every 2 week I have to return to TTSH for check up scan doctor appointment.
CT scan
MIR scan
Injection.
All ended me up in tear. I just hate injection. I have the phobia. What to do?
I was all alone throughout all these appointment. Mummy and daddy was working, noone can accompany me.
I didn’t want people to company me also I want to be myself face everything myself.
Okokay okay contradicting.
Pain.
Busy planning for chalet stuff telling people about it.
November – TTSH as usual sick of going that place. Pain hauting me on and off.
Tear rolled down when I heard what the doctor says. When I get out of the room I was like no more energy to move on.
Busy finding shoes for my birthday.
Busy buying chalet stuff.
As usual busy working training.
Nothing much.
December – we have plan for a win session for Christmas hope everything turn out fun, with those 2 kids around I think everything be fun. Wahhahaz. This will be a wonderful xmas I guess.
Many happy and unhappy things happen. Lost some friends
Started a relationship.
Life change.
Started more training.
Lost my chance to Mt Ophir and Kinabalu.
Op soon.
Upset. Despair. Disappointed.
Miss school. Miss school life.
Miss friends.
Miss attachment life.
Miss those fun and laughter.
Miss having lesson.
No time to go back school at all, all because I knock off at 6pm by the time I am back my enclose department is locked.
Brought few dress and clothes. Got to change my dressing sense. I am improving ma. Wahahhaz..got people say I dress up very pretty l0. whahahaz!! I am high up in the sky.
But must understand I am lazy la wahhahaz.
Throughout the whole year, there was a lot of chalet. Many friends turning 21st. thanks
for inviting me. Greatly appreciated.
SK chalet.
Kevin chalet.
Hanwen celebration at his house.
Jansen chalet.
Chee Hwee chalet.
Esther celebration at the coffee shop.
ZZ celebration at the suntec Indo.
Many chalet and celebration. Cant remember. Just know that I have lot of chalet.
Cracking my brain thinking what to buy for them.
Basically its all perfume, clothes, wallet and photo frame made by myself.
Still have a few more to go.
Happy 21st Birthday everyone!!!
We all officially 21st, grown up le.
Older a year so must be more sensible.
Those were the days.
Good memories that accompany me walk through my life.
9 November 2006
Jus came back from MIR scan. Thanks to boy, he accompany me there and then drove me to office.
No injection needed this time round. Thanks god!
They said it was not necessary at all, so we went ahead with the scan.
I was being push in, it kind aerospace kind of thing.
The sound is so loud that can burst off your ear.
Erm, cant breathe too hard, cant move. I was scolded by the nurse thrice in the scan.
“Don’t breathe too hard please.” First time she said.
“Don’t move please” 2nd time she said.
I didn’t move, I guess it was unaware kind of thing.
“Can you don’t breathe too hard, we are supposed to finish” third time.
The last time she said sometime but I couldn’t hear at all. Her voice was too soft plus the machine sound.
Finally done.
If its too serious the doctor will called me up soon else I will have to wait patiently for the appointment.
Nothing much.
I told him I need my air to breathe too doesn’t mean I am attached to him I have to scarified my freedom too.
He understands. He is learning. He cares for me I know.
However, don’t over do it I will reaction differently.
I’am a person who want my freedom my own air to breathe.
11 November 2006
Last night training isn’t that good. Told coach about my situation but didn’t get any response. Erm will continue to train hard.
Jus like coach and doctor said: “go ahead train and bear the consequences yourself. You know pretty well what will happen.”
I’am in the mid of training one step ahead to test I cant possible give up now.
Haiz why did the doctor tell me now? Why don’t tell me later?
Haiz.
Sucks it greatly sucks.
Calf tissue torn. Ligament torn.
Muscle all torn apart.
Asshole why does it need to happen to my shoulder.
Never mind. Wo(1) ren(4) le(4).
Was trying to hold my D-SLR. I don’t even have the strength to hold a camera, cant even take a good shot.
I am totally shit off by myself.
Argh!
Never mind work hard it will pay off one day.
Tomorrow going for hair cut.
Tonight I am going to catch movie.
Where everyone I miss them.
Where yc.. why didn’t he call me like before?
Where sm and j? I guess they busy studying.
Where wx? I think he is in ns.
Where j? he is busy with work I think.
**getting back to work. 40 mins more to go then off work lo. **
Where were you when skies were grey
11/12/2006 10:57:00 PM <3
>>>
