Monday 25th Sept 2006
Nau at home the whole day.
The whole day plan was-
1. Woke up at 12noon.
2. Shower cooks Maggie me wash clothes till 1pm.
3. Online till 3pm.
4. Went back to sleep till 430pm
5. Online till 5pm.
6. Went back to sleep again till 7pm.
7. Cook eat till 8.8.
8. Online till 11pm.
10. Went to bed @ 11pm.
Practically sleeping and online. Not even a thought of eating.
The whole family totally ignore me.
This will go on for quite a short period.
It isn’t the first time that this is happening but ..
I am not the child that will know how to make you guys happy.
I don’t know how to give what you guys wants.
I am dying for the freedom to hang out.
I don’t want to be like a bird always being cage up.
I don’t think I am in the wrong.
I didn’t smoke didn’t steal.
I just got myself abit drunk.
All I need was jus more air to breathe.
What am I do to exchange for what I want?
=thanks for standing with me all the times. =
=you taught me what was right and what went wrong with me. thanks=
= i know who to look for when i m troubled. i know who are there always there to lend me your ears. thanks=
Thanks for building the trust.
Tears no longer flow out of me.
It has long dried up.
Trust myself, move on.
Prove to myself that I am not a useless person in this world.
I want to gain what other cannot.
26th Sept 2006.
Training was good last night.
Push myself to my limits.
I made it 30 laps in 33 mins.
Wonderful right? Unexpected.
Did i finish all 30 laps? Alternatively, short of some laps still.
I am not sure, I jus kept swimming.
My shoulder are dropping off...
Going from bad to worse.
29th Sept 2006.
Congrats, to the BM group. Passed!
*Salute to all my seniors.*
Pool lifeguard is on the way!!
I was so happy for them. I screamed when I saw the results slip before they do.
Great job.
In a month time, it is my turn. How will it turn out to be?
I need to push myself. I will do it no matter how. i must.!
Then i go for bronze cross, follow by open water and more.
Wahahahz..So excited. i better work hard n get them all..
Jia you Jiayou...!
Push your limits to the max.
It was mum who save me from the ‘locked doors’ during late at night. She gives up her sleep to make sure that dad doesn’t lock the doors back; ended up unwell.
It was dad who dun let me in.
I should have listened to them.
I kept hanging outside, getting myself drunk.
All my friends could only come out at night what can I do? Do I have other choice?
I made a promise to myself I hope I can do it.
I am just like a Cinderella.
Before 12mn each day, I must reach home. I try not to anger my parents.
Freedom will come by one day isn’t it?
I must control myself. CONTROL!!!
My left hand has totally turned useless. I can’t even carry those slightly heavy stuff.
2 more days to TTSH.
It finally pay day. Just enough for the scan. Just nice.
Broke~
I told him about what happen.
Will our distance drift further?
Erm. I don’t want people to put me together with other guys.
Just don’t like.
Girl and guy together cannot be friends ma? Must be in relationship? What nonsense is this?
2nd of October 2006
She said I have improved. *Surprised*
I no longer tear when they mention about him in front of me.
I no longer tear when I talk about him.
I no longer tear when I pass by those places that we used to hang out.
I no longer tear when I saw his picture; our pictures...
I no longer tear because my tears have long to be dry up.
I have given up. I meant what I said.
I am now fresh looking forward to a new relationship and Treasure.
I am ready to accept a new relationship and start all over again.
No promise I put in all my effort like the last one but I try hard.
~~~Stop adding salt to my wound.~~~
After what I have said, you don’t even understand how I feel.
I am damn free during weekend.
Haiz. Other then training I got nothing else on.
My leg are hurting me after the 5km run yesterday at ECP.
How am I going to run standard chartered?
I am going to train myself hard.
Thanks to K, he drove us around to look at apartments. Very kind of him.
First, we went to his cousin apartment.
The pool is half indoor and half outdoor. NICE!!!! Can even do diving in there.
The apartment is 4 times bigger then 3room flat.
To me, its consider every big. Extremely Big.
The apartment was somehow like my ideal apartment. It was so cool.
Each room has different design, including toilet in each room.
The master room, the kid’s room, the study room and guest room are so special.
Everything is like what I always wan for my future home. Simple yet every nice.
Even the maid room is so Nice.!
They have been to almost every part of countries, so lucky.
If my husband can give me a life like this can fly here, n there for holiday wouldn’t that be great? I believe this is every one-dream la uh so nothing special.
~~Same human being but different “Ming”~~
Showered before we make a move.
Muhahahaz...The bathtub is so nice!
Thanks for letting us view every part of the apartments. =)
The plasma big screen TV that was like half my height, e hi fi system…etc.
Most important is that both partner agree to the design of the apartment, there is no conflict.
We headed to view bigger apartments; I was like “WOW”….
My eye nearly down out. *Kua Zhang.
Heard from K that their pay per day is like $2000; which mean per wk they earn $10000 a month they earn $40000 plus commissions, air ticket to other countries and more.
It has been so long since someone motivated with me these stuff and words.
What he said made some sense to me.
Nodded! Agree!
I am going to work hard save up enough for those stuff.
It is not too late.
I will start with the small one and then gradually improve.
Can do it.(~.~)”
He whispers to my ear asking me if he was my bf.
I said no.
He said okay I was just asking.
He continued: “find someone who loves you more then you love him. You will know what I mean after you get married.”
I was somewhat stunned. Why suddenly tell me this?
Hahaz he is more experience in married that why he said this.
Whatever.
3rd of October 2006
The CT scan part was nice, no pain. Wahahaz~
The stupid thing was that I tear when I heard that two jab is needed before the scan.
Tears immediately rolled down my cheek.
This is how useless I am.
I was all alone at the hospital. Every time after a blood test or any jab I will feel kind of dizzy and will black out. I knew myself too well.
Moreover the jab one is to be on my hand the finger part and the chest.
The aunties in fornt of me was like screaming their ass out saying that its bloody pain and their body feels very warm after the jab.
I told the nurse that I didn’t want to take.
I was stupid enough I didn’t ask what will the jab do? What is the jab for..blah blah
I didn’t ask. I was so scared that my mind went blank.
Stupid stupid me.
The overall scan took me like 1-1/2 hours.
I am now waiting for the results to be out. The stupid nurse schedule like 2-week later cant it be earlier?
I still have MRI scan to go; two-doctor appointments more before the final decision are being made.
4th of October 2006
Coach WL called me last night. Was talking about my performance.
I am going to ask another coach to coach me one on one coaching.
I haven’t been improving. My speed isn’t there at all. Haiz yo.
Hate to be the last always.
He lecture me saying that I should not ask for another coach. Jus train on my own. Haiz.
After telling him what I feel and what problem I am facing he still don’t understand what I am trying to say. Haiz.
Whatever it is don’t give up continue training, YH.
Training without him, is so boring, so quiet.
He used to be always there to encourage me. Make fun of me.
He will push my head to the walls n ask me to swim.
He will pull me up the pool.
He don’t mind being my swimming buddy and drink lot of water.
Argh!! Pig Head!!!!
Why why ?? why don’t you come for training?
I need you I need your encouragement.
Haiz..why do everything changes?
The coach jus suck. Fark off~
U don’t even know the things well yet you except us to do it?
You cant even do it yet you want us to do it? asshole!
Bloody idiot the sight of you make me want to vomit.
don’t think everyone on ya side. Even that the case I will still dislike you and go against you. Fark off.
don’t think you are the coach I must listen to u .
if you want me to RESPECT you as the coach then RESPECT me as a student.
THANK YOU.
~~I hate to grow up. I hate when things changes. Why do those people who boarded my bus gave me so many wonderful memories but yet so short?
I don’t want this. ~~
5th of October 2006
Watch “World Trade Centre” yesterday.
Worth watching. I will rate it 8.5 out of 10.
It based on true story.
Here the story line:-
Only 20 people were rescued alive from the World Trade Center after the collapse of the buildings. Officer Jimeno (Michael Peña) and Sgt. McLoughlin (Nicolas Cage) were the 18th and 19th. Academy Award®-winning director Oliver Stone tells the true story of the heroic survival and rescue of two Port Authority policemen – John McLoughlin and Will Jimeno – who were trapped in the rubble of the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, after they went in to help people escape.
If you guys are bored or wanna watch a movie, watch this.
It is so pathetic. So many innocent people died.
A short part of the movie is stupid, ,erm “funny”.
Through this movie, treasure the people around you, because you never know when the last day. U might not see him the next minutes.
Daiso is open at PS now! Its so cool. I brought myself one container to place my facial. stuff and one for sister art stuff; a orange container that come with an orange toothbrush and toothpaste. Cool right?
Brought two small containers to place my facial stuff when I go out. (more convenience). Wahahaz~ can visit when you free. It was too late else I will continue to shop.
It been so long since I buy something for myself. I have been saving for food ,operation /doctor/scanning fee, medical fee. Sometime I guess I have to let go and “dote” on myself.
I guess it still alright…=]
Recently I been feeling very weak. I could hardly bring myself to do anything, not even to walk. The active me in office has turn into a worm. I will just sit at my table rather then jumping running around. I hardly has the strength too.
But still I push myself to do this n that walk around go down town.
If you people happen to see me faint around any area save me k., try wake me up but don’t send me to hospital, please.
6th of October 2006
Training tonight god please bless that the coach is not who that is in my mind.
Chaim~~
Tomorrow be a busy day I guess. After work Gonna rush to sembangwan for appointment then go help Andy paint his house.
Wahahhaz. I am going to charge him $5 per hour for painting..very cheap le okay.
Anyway Sunday be running at ECP. Training for my marathon thing. Will I be able to do it? I will push myself to my limits. Although I am slow but I will stll end up in the ending point.
Other then that I guess I am going shopping, anyone want to join me?
I have to buy a pair of shoes for my 21st birthday. Argh!!! Help!!
I am going to buy a track shorts and a sleeveless top for running.
May I buy all these this weekend don’t want to end up empty handed like last week.
Next week will start purchasing those utensils for chalet. Any muscular guys wanna help??wahhahaz~~~
I wanan go eat chocolate buffet!!
I wanna go eat vegetarian buffet!!
Any interested party??
Where were you when skies were grey
10/06/2006 11:16:00 PM <3
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