im backie..been quite a while since i blog.sorry to those who did drop by.party was coz im lazy muhahhaz..plus alot of thigns happening. plus busy with my project.
things was so smooth sailing as it was.agruement.quarrel.fights.disagreement.n more.
whenever im stress i dun talk to other.my porj mate find mi inrritating i think nt used to mi.dun wanna get used to it also.well smtime i jus dunno hw to tell her how i feel.i dun wan to tell her its also to aviod arguement with her n also to avoid raising my voice at anyone...why dont she understand.i been trying to avoid her whenever im pissed off or fed up but she think im .........dunno i dunno hw to use word to describe.
everyone has their own problem own mood own temper..we know very clearly that when are we going to get very fed up then be automantic n leave dun scream or scold at other..other ll get hurt as well.its nt fair.that is why whenever im nt right i wither aviod my frenz.avoid talking.or go to a side.but pple say im.......
what is the hell i dunno ...i relaly dunno all i can say is dunno..
i wish there is someone to help mi guide mi along the way...but who..
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i learn to be independent i guess.
whenever i face problem i no longer wait for pple to help mi or ask pple..i ll try to find the problem myself.although i might be very pek chey praying hard there is smone help but i nv fail to help myself 1st.
other might nt always b there to help u.
well i guess it nt late to learn it now.at least when i go to work in the future things ll get better..m i right i dunno.
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Let mi share something meaningful before i continue.blogging..
""Life is a long journey.
More than often, we take in deep breath
because we don't have the time to breathe easy.
We are always busy dealing with things in life
that we forget to treat ourselves well.
Give yourself a break. I'm serious.
Go grab a pack of kitkat and give yourself a break!
Breathe easy. Enjoy life for a while.
Anew start.
I've bid my yesterdays goodbye.
Right now. All I gotta do is to study..!
Try and spend more time with my friends..!
Keke. Life is full of ups and downs.
I will survive..!
Even if I had to die, I will die standing.
Even when the world seems too tough to live in.""
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wat is happening.y is everyhting turning upside now..
most pple says that in a person life there ll be up n down..but why is my life so many down when is the up time coming. i been trying hard to lok at the bright side le.but things dun seem to be improving.
oh help. i dunno what am i doing? i just want to be happy! each time when i try to live happily... things wouldnt just happy! i want to be happy for a moment!
im tearing again! for no good reason! i have no reason for tearing. i dunno y i tear. im so weak! so so weak! why do one have to tear? it just make u sad n so so sad... i dunche wanna be sad... i want to be happy! stay happy!
one say i look so cheerful. a girl with a nice smile fun loving Onz gal... a clown in among frenz cheering everyone up? is that what i wanteD? am i really happy? i guess deep inside im not. have u seen e quiet self of me? that i sit by e beach alone. staring at e stars at night.staring at the sun when i was at sentosa. going to e court at night alone? thinking of what has been in my life? my past? everything?
what is wrong? i just cant understand myself? going 20 but i seem like a small child. a girl some pple say cheerful... how much i been thru? does anyone know that? seeing myself being beat up by parents? fighting with people? getting in prison? i mean lock up... getting into probation... thousands of people are reading this n i know i shd keep all these stupidness to myself.mayb im just thinking so much... i been thru alot? some might say no... i grew up! from a no sense little stubborn person till a person who know what she wants in her career but still she is stubborn...always hoping everyhting ll turn out great.having an angel be with her all the time.. always hoping to find someone she love n one who love her more than anything else in e world... tong hua?i was jus dremaing ba...liek wat my mum say i was thinking too much...far too much...
im great that im in poly 3rd yr nw..after along struggle im finay in my third year there are many things inside mi..im so breathles..who can understand..the pressure inside mi.my results.my project.i admit im jealous of those who score higher then mi..jealous of those who have the talent of nt studying n yet can score high...why cant i ...sometime i put in plently of effort yet i get nthing..wat is this...im dumb..
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im stepping into e real adults world soon... a place where i be working me meeting more people... seeing e ugly side of working life... i shd be enjoying my poly life now..like wat other say poly life is abt playing n relaxing. life is down really down at e moment... i dun wanna hide.i facing everything now..
i dunno what is gotta happen e next few days, years n so...
6 years down e road... what will i be doing?what will everyone be doing? when will i get married? i guess im thinking too much again! who wanna marry me? oh gosh...
my primary sch classmate n some of my secondary sch mates are even married with kid..times passes met up with some of them they are all blessed.blessed with loving bf.everything went well for them...mayb yesh mayb nt i dunno all i can see was onli their outer appearance..nt inner. smthing i might nt understand.
thinking back. someone wanna marry me when i was 17.. luckily he did not. coz i think if he did... i would have a divorce cert le... im just so unstable.i hv no confidence in r/s.no confidence in myself.wanting too much smtime.now he stil say he love him wanting mi back..dun be silly dude.u dun mean wat u say i know..get on with ya life dun wait for mi dun put oto much in getting mi back as i said before u din treasure mi in the 1st place...after beraking up there wun be any patch back.. hai... i hate me ..myself... throughout... everything about me. my character... my attitude...
i always say... If Love Isnt A Game? Why Is There So Many Players? i think someone tough... to stay by me? why other can be blessed n why nt mi..did someone try to hint mi jus by pass mi yet i reject him or ingore him??
i guess no one shd ever leave me alone. not alone. never alone! i miss my frenzz. where are u pple? y dont i have someone really close to talk to? y? i dun trust frens? i guess so..i was betray by frenz b4.lotsa of thing that made mi lose my trust in everyone.i nv talk to anyone deeper in any matter im afraid the same thing ll happen againz/...haiz... sometimes i dun know what is suppose to be said n what is not suppose to be said...wat gonna into mi..im nt sure either..
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is god punishing mi for the things i have done..why muz u do this to mi..m i suppose to accpet all these in silence??or??
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i have always been acting strong. ^Y? coz i dunwan pple to look down on me. i hate pple who look down on me...jus hate it esp the look they give mi// but as i grow... i have learn to accept it. its something that ll happen anywhere u go...its a kind of experience that u cant get it anywhere... relative that once look down on me now stand to me! i hated them! i remember how u guys insulted mi scolding mi off...i ll prove u guys wrong...i ll work hard for my futre in everyhting i do i believe i worked hard to get it. im in a gd course now the rest is up to mi..
i ll hv to hold on n work hard...
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life is jus abt gg thru the gd n bad miting all kinda pple..
when young pple always bully mi whenever they can..but thanks to u guys or else i dun learn to b strong..
forgive mi if i said anything worng..
well
..gonna go..mummy rushing b...ll keep updating again..
=]
Where were you when skies were grey
5/28/2005 05:40:00 PM <3
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